Monthly Archives: November 2010

Homeland Security Takes to Twitter

Bennie G. Thompson, photo courtesy of The Washington Post

I have this very real fear that the terrorists are going to one day use Twitter to take out Western civilization. I’ve discussed it before. No one really seems to care. And when I use the word terrorist, I don’t even really have a specific group in mind, just the notion that there are people out there who put bombs in Nissan Pathfinders/their underwear and try to blow things up.

So you can imagine how disturbed I was to receive the following e-mail this afternoon:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Homeland Security Committee Now on Twitter

November 30, 2010 (WASHINGTON) – The Committee on Homeland Security, and Chairman Thompson, have started a Twitter Account! Follow us with news updates, press releases, links, etc. @ HomelandSecCom.

Link: http://twitter.com/HomelandSecCom

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I’ve Seen My Future, And it Looks Like Grey Gardens

We could totally pass for the Bouvier Beales.

My quest to become Little Edie Beale got a little more real Thanksgiving weekend, as my Aunt Carole and I played dress up in some of my nana’s old gowns (pictured right). Aunt Carole looked better in these dresses than I did, but that’s what Zumba will do for you. You go, girl!

So it’s pretty much cemented that I will have an affair with someone in the state department that looks like a Baldwin brother, will lose all my hair, will move in with my mother (or Aunt Carole, who is doing an awesome Big Edie impersonation), and will eventually start to wear awesome headscarves (which clearly is a good look for me). I’ll spend the rest of my time here in Boston perfecting my affected New England accent. And we already have the house in the Hamptons. This plan is done and done.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, Holidays, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

Hathaway, Franco and Oscar: This Could Be Interesting

Photo courtesy of ProJo.com

Anne Hathaway and James Franco will be hosting the Oscars when they come to town in February, and I am excited/anxious/scared about the prospect of this.

From a cameo in Hugh Jackman’s opening number at the Oscars a few years ago, we know that Hathaway can do the shtick we are used to seeing from hosts of this awards show. And I’d like to think James Franco can pretty much do anything and is gonna come out to rock our socks off. But part of me is nervous that this pairing is going to give us Broadway/Disney musical-slash-poetry reading and Franco cutting off his own arm.

Also, I’m not really sure how this all works, but is this the Academy’s way of telling Hathaway and Franco that no, they will not be nominated this year? Or are they going for some kind of shock and awe where the hired entertainment actually goes home with the prize? So many questions.

On top of that, I have to worry about Rachel Zoe being 100 months pregnant and trying to style Anne Hathaway’s Oscar look (this is making for a great! third season of RZP). Shut. It. Down.

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Smurf Mass Murder: This is What Black Friday Does to People

Ok, so it wasn’t Black Friday, because quite frankly, it’s hard for me to be pulled into shopping on a regular day, let alone the most crowded shopping day of the year. But I was at the Palisades Mall a few weeks ago looking for a dress for my cousin’s wedding and came upon this disturbing scene. I guess I could blame Gargamel.

There are many theories we could go by, since clearly the authorities are not investigating this incident as closely as they should be. Again, Gargamel is an easy suspect. But I also feel like this could have been some type of murdercide situation. You can’t see it in the picture above, but the Smurf in the middle has a pencil stuck up his nose. And right in front of the Macy’s Santa mailbox. What a terrible way to go.

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What Are You Thankful For?

Same as every year, I’m most thankful for my family and friends. The Carroll/Turnbull clans are as crazy as they come, but I couldn’t have asked to be a member of a better group of people. And what can I say? I have the most amazing friends in the entire world.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Please share below – and keep it in your heart all year long!

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Happy Thanksgiving! Eat Your Face Off!

Classic pigs in a comforter.

I’m not a big fan of turkey and mashed potatoes. Mostly because it’s really just not fattening enough. So a few years ago I just started cooking things I like to eat – pigs in a blanket, mac and cheese – and bringing them to Thanksgiving for myself. Predictably, because I’m such a gourmet (pronounced GORE-MET), everything was a hit. These plates, as well as my chocolate chip-less chocolate chip cookies, are now reoccurring fixtures at family functions.

While there was a period of time in college where all I ate was Easy Mac, those days are gladly behind me, and my mac and cheese is actually made from (semi) scratch! But I’m not a great cook, so the process was a little touch-and-go. This was an actual quote from my mom tonight: “You need to use a whisk. You do know what a whisk is, right?” Yes, mom. I have my master’s degree and have lived on my own for about 8 years now. I know what a whisk is. I also know how to separate my whites and colors when doing my wash, but you wouldn’t think it after the week of laundry I’ve been doing at my parents’ house.

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Save Sacred Heart School, Highland Falls, NY

I received some pretty upsetting news tonight – that after 80 years of top-notch education, service and community, Sacred Heart School in Highland Falls, NY (my elementary school) may have to shut its doors in June.

Sacred Heart has not been immune to the dwindling enrollments in Catholic schools over the past few decades and was once almost shut under Cardinal O’Connor in the mid-90s. But this time around seems worse, people say, as the NY archdiocese is prepared to cut its ties with the school at the end of the school year. Officials at Sacred Heart have been asked to prepare a contingency plan, but according to sources, enrollment would need to double for Sacred Heart to remain open. Basically, we need a miracle.

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Guy of the Month: RJ Turnbull

RJ and self portrait, Spring 2010.

Name: Raymond James Turnbull, III
Age: A just-turned 25
Occupation: Sellin’ Shiz
Likes: Nicole Schulz, Bulldogs, Chipotle, plus a weird obsession with women’s (namely mine) bathing suits
Dislikes: Haters

If you’ve never heard of him, well now you know. This is RJ Turnbull, former child model, college hockey player and obnoxiously good-looking dude. Seriously, it’s gross. This is my ploy to launch RJ back on the scene as some type of model/actor so I can do his PR and manage his career. Basically so I can make the dough. While RJ and I do share the same body type, I don’t have the looks, so I have to live vicariously through him and his hockey hair.

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Parenting 101: How to Trade Your Child for a Better Player

Photo courtesy of The Montreal Gazette

So, I was never really ever in trouble when I was little. Mostly because I was a pretty good, quiet kid, and partly because there was nothing I could do that would be more rebellious and disruptive than my parents were/are.

Ahh, to know them is to love them.

But I can tell you that if I was a bad kid, this technique would straighten me out – according to ESPN.com, Calgary Flame Brett Sutter, who was arrested on suspicion of assault after a bar fight a few days ago, was traded yesterday by his father, Flames GM Darryl Sutter. This takes grounding to a whole new level.

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Wisconsin Man Upset By Bristol Palin’s Dancing, Reacts Inappropriately

Dane County Sheriff's Office

So, Steven Cowan and I both agree that Bristol Palin should no longer be gracing our television sets every Monday and Tuesday night on Dancing with the Stars. I, however, have not taken my hostility out in such a psychotic/awesome way.

According to The Smoking Gun, “Cowan, 66, allegedly became so enraged by Palin’s success that he actually fired a shotgun round into his television, triggering a 15-hour standoff with Wisconsin cops.” I’m taking a look at his mug shot right now. Should we be surprised by this? I’m just sayin’.

The police report states that while Bristol was performing “Cowan jumped up and swore, saying something to the effect of, ‘The fucking politics.’ Steven was upset that a political figure’s daughter was dancing on this particular show when Steven did not think that she was a good dancer.” TSG reports that Cowan’s wife called police after her husband shot the television. He is said to have been drinking.

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