For those of you who do not know, I have very irrational fears. One of them is of white condiments. Another is talking inanimate objects. But my most fearsome of irrational fears is definitely a fear of things that never change their expression – clowns, the Scream mask, certain people who shall remain nameless. And with that, I’m happy to announce that Burger King is finally getting rid of their plastic king mascot, the scariest of all things.
So I guess the King isn’t doing a good job promoting a healthy attitude towards food, because BK reportedly dropped their mascot to focus on a more healthy ad campaign. Which includes a California Whopper. Which is a Whopper with guacamole. So really not that much more healthy. But definitely less creepy. Editor’s Note: Eagle’s Deli also did this. It’s called the Nick Lachey burger and it’s their regular burger with avocado. And it’s dumb.
So now that the King is gone, I can maybe stop seeing him in the majority of my nightmares. I mean, you can’t tell what he’s thinking! It’s horrifying. Is he happy? Is he sad? Is he going to murder me in my bed while I eat a delicious (yet apparently terrible for me because it doesn’t include guacamole) breakfast sandwich? There’s no telling! It also didn’t help that in college my roommate Jen – knowing full well the extent of my fear – used to stand next to me with that freakish grin on her face until I woke up. That shit stays with you.