There are definitely days in my life where nothing too extraordinary happens, and I tend to fall into a lull of security, thinking that maybe we’ve turned a corner, and a sense of normalcy in my life will reign forever. Then, something happens to remind me that normal will never be in the cards. There will never be a time when things aren’t utterly ridiculous. The crazy will always be following me. Case and point, an email I received yesterday:
Category Archives: It's All Going In The Book
Yes, the rumors are true. I’m now 28-years old. I remember one Jessica Simpson, in her prime, some may say, telling her parents that she was upset to be turning 23. Because it was almost 25. Which is almost her mid-twenties. Well I’m kind of upset to be turning 28, because it’s almost my 50s. Yes, this makes sense to me.
Twenty-eight felt very heavy to me, and I couldn’t figure out why. I usually don’t worry about my age too much, except for my 20th birthday when I had a serious meltdown, and when my mom asked why I told her it was because I knew I was never going to be a professional tennis player. I’ve never played organized tennis, and I’ve never been very good when I’ve tried. But for some reason I knew that 20 was the cutoff for any dreams I might have about winning the Grand Slam or returning a Venus Williams serve without it literally making a tennis ball-size hole in my stomach. Twenty is just too old to try to do something like that. Man, that stayed with me for days.
When Pippa Middleton stepped out of her chauffeured car on the morning of the Royal Wedding a few weeks back, both my mom and I gasped at how beautiful Kate’s younger sister looked in her bridesmaid’s dress. “That’s it.” I said. “She just stole the show.” While Jeanie tried to argue that nothing could take the day away from Kate and her Alexander McQueen dress, people were creating Facebook pages dedicated to Pippa’s ass. So I think I was right.
Over the weekend I decided it was time for me to become domesticated and I mustered up everything that was inside of me, found a recipe online, went to the grocery store and actually cooked, all by myself. Our little girl is growing up.
I know I keep harping on the fact that Chipotle gave me food poisoning and I can no longer eat there, but with that option completely gone there is very little I can do by way of nourishment. So before it got all “survival of the fittest” in my apartment, eventually killing me off for a species of person that can actually fend for itself, I decided it was high time I learned a new skill.
Year-end countdowns – yay! You gotta love them. And while this blog hasn’t exactly been around an entire year, we’ve covered some serious ground in the past 10 months. From live-blogging the NCAA men’s basketball tournament to skydiving to weddings to just plain ole silliness, I’ve enjoyed writing for all of you more than I ever thought I could enjoy writing. And hopefully I’ve brought you all a few laughs.
So that you can relive the awesomeness – here are the top posts of 2010. Go back. Laugh. Cry. Repeat. And if you don’t see your favorite here, feel free to use our search tool at the bottom of the page. To more posts in ’11. Thanks for a great year!
As some of you already know, I’m a creepy T-stalker, which basically means I know just about everything that’s going on in the lives of the people I commute with every morning. They think I’m listening to my iPod. I’m actually taking mental note of how crazy they are. It’s weird, I’m well aware.
Anyway, there’s a pair of T-patrons that are more exciting than the rest, and I like to refer to them as Angry Engaged Couple.
If you can’t tell by the name, Angry Engaged Couple came into my purview by fighting over wedding plans. He basically called her controlling and she basically told him he had a small penis (I’m not making this up). She’s a super horrible person and he’s, what’s the phrase, out-punting his coverage? Her diamond is the size of my face, and they’re seemingly miserable. One time she ripped the Metro out of his hands because he wasn’t paying enough attention to her. This happened right in front of me, and she almost smacked me with the paper. I mean, now I’m involved.