Category Archives: It's All Going In The Book

All You Can Do Is Laugh At It

Ugh. I don’t even like seeing it on the page. Also, what is “fake” mayo?

There are definitely days in my life where nothing too extraordinary happens, and I tend to fall into a lull of security, thinking that maybe we’ve turned a corner, and a sense of normalcy in my life will reign forever. Then, something happens to remind me that normal will never be in the cards. There will never be a time when things aren’t utterly ridiculous. The crazy will always be following me. Case and point, an email I received yesterday:

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Filed under About Me, It's All Going In The Book, Oh Baby It's a Wild World, WORST Things Ever

Birthday Blog Post!

Kelly's second birthday. The battlefield.

Yes, the rumors are true. I’m now 28-years old. I remember one Jessica Simpson, in her prime, some may say, telling her parents that she was upset to be turning 23. Because it was almost 25. Which is almost her mid-twenties. Well I’m kind of upset to be turning 28, because it’s almost my 50s. Yes, this makes sense to me.

Twenty-eight felt very heavy to me, and I couldn’t figure out why. I usually don’t worry about my age too much, except for my 20th birthday when I had a serious meltdown, and when my mom asked why I told her it was because I knew I was never going to be a professional tennis player. I’ve never played organized tennis, and I’ve never been very good when I’ve tried. But for some reason I knew that 20 was the cutoff for any dreams I might have about winning the Grand Slam or returning a Venus Williams serve without it literally making a tennis ball-size hole in my stomach. Twenty is just too old to try to do something like that. Man, that stayed with me for days.

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Thanksgiving: Where the Turkey and the Dancefloor are on Fire

As I said yesterday, my Thanksgiving dinner this year was…interesting. Fantastic, but full of hijinks. So I wanted to give you a little taste of the pre-turkey antics. Pay special attention to how delighted Brett’s brother Trevor looks in the background. And then watch as he leans over to Elizabeth and tells her he needs a sign that says “we still haven’t eaten.”

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Filed under BEST Things Ever, Holidays, It's All Going In The Book, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related, WORST Things Ever

Sometimes Emergency Phone Calls are Actually about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Everyone in my family knows not to call me. I rarely pick up the phone, and I never listen to voicemails. In fact, my voicemail box is currently full. Text messages and emails are definitely the best way to reach me. Unless it’s an emergency. And everyone knows that emergencies only occur late at night and early in the morning.

So when I got out of the shower this morning and saw that I had a missed call and voicemail from my parents’ house, I immediately feared the worst. “Please don’t let it be another death,” I thought to myself, because God knows we’ve had enough of those in the past few years. “Mom’s stomach was upset last night,” I worried. “She might be in the hospital.” Or, “maybe Dad actually went into some kind of Cheez-It induced coma.” Whyyyyyyyy were they calling me so early? It doesn’t help that Blackberries notify you in 18 different ways that you have a missed call. It’s very alarming. I gathered all my strength and dialed them back. Mom answered and immediately started talking:

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Filed under It's All Going In The Book, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

It’s All About Pippa

newsteam.co.uk

When Pippa Middleton stepped out of her chauffeured car on the morning of the Royal Wedding a few weeks back, both my mom and I gasped at how beautiful Kate’s younger sister looked in her bridesmaid’s dress. “That’s it.” I said. “She just stole the show.” While Jeanie tried to argue that nothing could take the day away from Kate and her Alexander McQueen dress, people were creating Facebook pages dedicated to Pippa’s ass. So I think I was right.

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Why You All Up in My Grill? You Don’t Even Know What’s Cookin’

Over the weekend I decided it was time for me to become domesticated and I mustered up everything that was inside of me, found a recipe online, went to the grocery store and actually cooked, all by myself. Our little girl is growing up.

I know I keep harping on the fact that Chipotle gave me food poisoning and I can no longer eat there, but with that option completely gone there is very little I can do by way of nourishment. So before it got all “survival of the fittest” in my apartment, eventually killing me off for a species of person that can actually fend for itself, I decided it was high time I learned a new skill.

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NoMad Blog: The Top Posts of 2010

Year-end countdowns – yay! You gotta love them. And while this blog hasn’t exactly been around an entire year, we’ve covered some serious ground in the past 10 months. From live-blogging the NCAA men’s basketball tournament to skydiving to weddings to just plain ole silliness, I’ve enjoyed writing for all of you more than I ever thought I could enjoy writing. And hopefully I’ve brought you all a few laughs.

So that you can relive the awesomeness – here are the top posts of 2010. Go back. Laugh. Cry. Repeat. And if you don’t see your favorite here, feel free to use our search tool at the bottom of the page. To more posts in ’11. Thanks for a great year!

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Lindsey and Chris’ Wedding: One Dress, Two Dress, Three Dress, Floor

Lindsey and Chris’ wedding has come and gone and I have to say, what a party. I haven’t danced so hard in my entire life, and on top of that the music, the food, the drinks, the decorations…all spectacularly beautiful. I hope the happy couple enjoyed themselves as much as I did.

And to recap such a spectacular night I have just the thing – Wedding Superlatives! Get excited. A random sampling of the best/worst-but-in-a-funny-way things of the evening. Feel free to add your own below, because I’m sure there are parts of the night I missed (that have nothing to do with the tequila). And to all those readers out there who dared me to wear my mom’s black sequined dress circa 1993: peoples be owin’ me monies.

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Filed under BEST Things Ever, It's All Going In The Book, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

Dad’s Second Annual 60th Birthday Extravaganza: A Camera Phone Diary

A lot went on at Denny Carroll’s Second Annual 60th Birthday Party last week in North Carolina, and a lot of it I can’t discuss. I’d say “what happens in North Carolina stays in North Carolina,” but it’s more like “I can’t remember what happened in North Carolina.” So I guess I have to let the pictures speak for themselves.

P.S. – The one thing I do remember is my kick-ass birdie putt on the 18th hole of the Denny Carroll Second Annual 60th Birthday Golf Outing. Apparently I won a trip to the Bahamas. Second place was a sleeve of used golf balls, so I’m not planning my trip just yet.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, It's All Going In The Book, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

Scenes from the Green Line: A Love Story

Musings from my morning commute on the C Line.

As some of you already know, I’m a creepy T-stalker, which basically means I know just about everything that’s going on in the lives of the people I commute with every morning. They think I’m listening to my iPod. I’m actually taking mental note of how crazy they are. It’s weird, I’m well aware.

Anyway, there’s a pair of T-patrons that are more exciting than the rest, and I like to refer to them as Angry Engaged Couple.

If you can’t tell by the name, Angry Engaged Couple came into my purview by fighting over wedding plans. He basically called her controlling and she basically told him he had a small penis (I’m not making this up). She’s a super horrible person and he’s, what’s the phrase, out-punting his coverage? Her diamond is the size of my face, and they’re seemingly miserable. One time she ripped the Metro out of his hands because he wasn’t paying enough attention to her. This happened right in front of me, and she almost smacked me with the paper. I mean, now I’m involved.

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