Before we get going with tonight’s Presidential Debate, I wanted to let everyone know that I found the root of the economic crisis, the unemployment rate, and the obesity epidemic.
Yesterday, while I was innocently sitting in a Chipotle on Broadway and 110th Street (I know, this doesn’t give me a lot of credibility), I spied a full-grown man wearing this Nike t-shirt. Ok, let’s walk it back slowly.
1) Why would anyone admit to being lazy? I can certainly think of a few people this t-shirt would fit perfectly, but I know none of them would own up to the fact that they are squandering their talents. I don’t know the gentlemen who was sporting this garb yesterday, but judging by his dirty hair, headband, mesh basketball shorts, and slippers on the sidewalk, I’d venture to say he wasn’t being ironic. So there are people out there who don’t care if others think they are lazy. Ok. Minus one for America.
Ship Pendant by e. scott
Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could start my own business, set up my own shop, and sell the things I create. So it’s not surprising that I completely envy Boston’s Emily Scott, owner, founder, designer and creator of the e. scott originals jewelry line.
Trained at the North Bennet Street School, Scott “specializes in wearable, handmade, precious metal jewelry.” As you can tell from her pictures, she is very much inspired by nautical themes and Victorian aesthetics, however the custom aspect of her business promises the creation of “a wide range of jewelry made to be worn and loved.” Each piece is individually handmade, and in my opinion, really beautiful.
Personally, I’m drawn to the necklaces with the large pendants, and the really cool wide metal cuffs, but Emily also creates dazzling wedding bands, and can take anyone’s imaginative design and make it a reality.
My new, customized, safe-to-say-fairly-awesome Reebok Easytones arrived in the mail yesterday! Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these sneakers from reaching my doorstep. And I’m in love with them – note the word LOVE on the back heel. Friggin’ awesome.
I was told that my new kicks were going to take up to six weeks for delivery, which, despite being customized, I found extremely odd. What, I asked myself, could possibly be done to these sneakers that would take six weeks? I know they have special powers and have completely made Sofia Vergara the bombshell that she is, but seriously, six weeks? Come to find out, my sneakers had an itinerary. And they can now boast that they’ve covered more miles in less time than really anyone else in the history of existence.
It’s clear that the cultural phenomenon of 2011 just may be Pajama Jeans. They are “stylish, sexy, soft and comfortable,” and are currently vying for next year’s Snuggie status. But I just don’t know what to make of them. So I think the best thing to do is make a pro/con list, because clearly only the biggest decisions can be made in this manner.
1. When I pass out drunk, changing into pajamas is irrelevant
2. Every order comes with a free grey crewneck t-shirt (which you can keep even if you don’t like the jeans)
3. There are no zippers or buttons, which quite frankly just get in the way
4. I’ve seen my fair share of teenage girls walking around in pajama pants, and if anything is going to fix that problem, I’m all for it.
I think I look like Jay-Z.
In second grade I decided that I really needed to have glasses. So I pretended I couldn’t see the blackboard from my desk and my mom took me for a checkup with her optometrist. Vision: 20/20.
So I never got my wish. That is until this weekend when my cousin Sam gave me these awesome specs! So I wore them all weekend in Philly, because I know no one there that would point and laugh at me. But now I’m back in the real world and need to make an important life decision: do these glasses look good on me, or am I really just trying way, way too hard.
At the risk of this becoming a blog solely about the crazy-slash-fantastic that goes on in the mecca that is Target, I need to share with you my most recent experience: the Target Halloween costume department. Holy Inappropriateness. I can’t even begin to describe how uncomfortable I was.
First, the adult costumes for 11-year-old girls. Do parents even exist anymore? And what exactly is a Midnight Maven? Why is this child out at midnight anyway? When I was in fifth grade, I was a table for Halloween. A table. My head was a centerpiece. It was the greatest costume ever. My only guess is that this girl is a cross between Elvira and the licorice man from Candy Land, who by day runs an escort service. I’m just sayin’. Also in this section, a “Stitch Witch” (not sure at all what that means), and some kind of British go-go dancer. Come on people.
Once upon a time, Drew Wiechnicki told me he was going to bring sexy back with overalls. Well, it looks like the women’s department at Target beat you to it Drew, because I found these hanging on the rack there yesterday. Oh. The. Horror.
There once was a time when I thought overalls were cool. Wait, let me clarify. There once was a time I thought corduroy short overalls were cool. And you know what? Looking back on it, it was a bad idea. So here’s a warning to all you ladies out there looking at this rack of future bad choices: don’t do it. You will so regret it 10 years from now.