Monthly Archives: April 2012

Birth Watch 2012: Jessica Simpson and Her One Baby that Will Actually Be Two

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Last year I wrote of my concern for Natalie Portman, who had gone through an entire awards season with a baby bump the size of a YMCA bag of basketballs, and had yet to give birth. Little people can’t carry around that much weight! This year, it’s Jessica Simpson who is the object of my attention, and it seems I’m not the only one mesmerized by her 12-month pregnancy – Chelsea Handler and Katy Perry have also voiced their concerns, as have Lindsey Pearse and Kate Poff, who are less famous, but just as important.

Jessica Simpson announced her pregnancy in October 2011. I believe it was Halloween and she was dressed up as a mummy, which is also British for “mommy,” so there was a play on words going on too. By my calculations, that was six-plus months ago. Generally, women don’t find out they’re pregnant until around the two-month mark. And they don’t announce it until at least the three-month mark. Add that all together and we’re right up on 40 weeks and that baby needs to come out or Jessica is going to explode.

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Space Shuttle Enterprise Flies Over Manhattan!

Just another day at the office, people.

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Called It! The Carroll-Marks Edition

Because Audrey and I consider ourselves “tastemakers” in that we always (or, you know, sometimes) are behind a trend before it gets popular, we wanted to make a list of things we “called” before everyone else in the nation. We at first wanted to entitle this list “Suck It!” but then we realized we’re adult people with jobs that we’d probably like to keep and we shouldn’t go around telling everyone to “suck it.” Some of you deserve it, but we’re not going to name names. We’re ladies. So for a few hours yesterday we made a list of all the things we were up on before all of you. And here it is in its entirety. Also, we need a lot of validation.

Editor’s Note: In case you were wondering, Carroll-Marks is either the future currency of the country I’m going to create when I secede from the Union, or mine and Audrey’s future last name when we finally breakdown and have our same-sex wedding at City Hall because we’re in desperate need of Kitchen Aide appliances and knives from Williams-Sonoma. It’s patented so don’t try to steal it.

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Filed under BEST Things Ever, The Crazy People I Call My Own, WORST Things Ever