Take Me to the Movies

Niecy La Bamba-ed the Jive! Photo courtesy of the Los Angeles Times.

I know, I know. I missed Monday’s Dancing with the Stars…AGAIN! But who are we kidding? I bet none of you watched it in anticipation of me missing it. Am I right?

This week’s theme is movie songs, which I think is AWESOME. My favorite song from a movie? “If You Leave,” from Pretty in Pink. Man, I get goosebumps just thinking about it. So I hear Pamela Anderson is the spitting image of Dolly Parton. Let’s get going!

Niecy Nash, Jive: La Bamba! That movie made me cry so hard. I think I was about three when I first saw it, so I really had no idea what was going on, but I knew that a plane crashed and Lou Diamond Phillips was no more. I should probably watch that again sometime. This is a fast song, and a fast dance. They’re gonna have to really move! Hmmm, it’s a Jive with a little Latin flavor! It looks more like a Cha-cha to me. With kicks. Was it just me, or was that dance really long?
Score: 6, 6, 6 (Ouch, the judges had nice things to say. What happened?)

Chad Ochocinco, Quickstep: Songs from the Jungle Book! And tiger costumes! I’m so excited. This may be the wildest Quickstep ever! Ugh, lame opening Cheryl. You could have done better. And these tiger costumes are throwing me off with this 1920s dancing. Forget what I said at the beginning of this entry. They really couldn’t get the crowd into it at all. Chad’s pursuance of Cheryl is starting to make me uncomfortable. And it’s awkward. The audience has no idea what to do with it. Rewatch. I’m telling you, I can hear birds chirping. Aww, but back in the fishbowl he protected her against Brooke’s intense probing. Stop it Brooke! They don’t want to talk about it!
Score: 6, 6, 6

It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well. Photo courtesy of the Los Angeles Times.

Erin Andrews, Jive: I get the impression that Erin is too cool for school. I don’t like this cutesy thing she has going on with Maks. Now, it could totally be because she looks the opposite of me and I’m bitter about that, but it’s really starting to get on my nerves. With that said, I LOVE this song from Pulp Fiction: Chuck Berry, “You Never Can Tell!” It plays on my iPod at least once a day. Download it. Ok. I know I said it last week, but my God Erin can kick! It’s unnatural. And out of all the dances so far, they probably channeled their movie the best. (Also, I think Brooke Burke may be auditioning for a job at the NY Times or something. WTF’s up with the inquisitiveness?)
Score: 7, 7, 8

Seriously, George Michael, right? Photo courtesy of the Los Angeles Times.

Jake Pavelka, Cha-cha: Dear Jake: You don’t look like Tom Cruise. And….you’re naked. Woah, that’s some underwear dancing. Put your pants on! I love the Cha-cha though, and this is pretty good! But Jake’s a little out of control, in a good way. I’ve felt like all his other dances had no life in them. This is kind of fun. And I’m totally liking him better! It’s funny how your mind can completely change in a minute-thirty seconds. (I think Bruno just threw a dollar bill at Jake. Bruno, you saucy minx!)
Score: 8, 7, 8 (highest of the night so far!)

Pamela Anderson, Quickstep: Ha, she just called herself a Fellini chick, I love it! 9 to 5! Another great song. Good job DWTS producers! Len is NOT going to like this “messing around.” Pam’s having a little trouble with the footwork but doing ok! And she literally just climbed up and down a table. Without faceplanting! Maybe she is a better actress than we all thought!
Score: 7, 6, 8 (Wow Bruno!)

Nicole was near perfection. Photo courtesy of the Los Angeles Times.

Kate Gosselin, Foxtrot: My first thought on this is how do you do the Foxtrot to “Don’t You Forget about Me?” I can’t even imagine it. And it’s Kate’s song. This has disaster written all over it. Aww, cute beginning. And Tony looks like George Michael. Why are Kate’s dances so slow? She has no energy! If this were a week one dance it wouldn’t be that bad. But everyone is just leaps and bounds ahead of her. “It wasn’t really a dance. It was a stroll.” – Len
Score: 5, 5, 5 (has anyone noticed that Carrie Ann and Len are giving very similar scores this season?)

Nicole Scherzinger, Tango: Pretty Woman! If Derek does the jewelry box snap shut thing I’m going to die. Big mistake. Big. Huge. Ok, I’ll stop. Wow! This is already awesome. Seriously. WOW. If I have to be a hooker to dance like that I will. Right on point. Sharp. Elegant. BEST. DANCE. EVER.
Score: 10, 9, 10 (“Cinder-fucking-rella.” Sorry for the profanity!)

Evan Lysacek, Rumba: “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.” Probably one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. The words are just gorgeous. And Evan’s hips in this Rumba are UNsane. That was really beautiful. Probably the best boy-Rumba I’ve ever seen. But it’s a tough song for guys to shine in because the girl is doing a lot. Standing O though! Go Evan! I think he may be my fave!
Score: 9, 9, 9

SPOILER ALERT: Kate finally leaves DWTS, and even though she was probably good TV, the competition just got too far ahead of her. Pam Anderson was also in the bottom two. And, something is really going on with Cheryl – so absentminded.

Next week: SWING DANCE MARATHON. Can. Not. Wait.

P.S. Tony Dovoloni is a true gentleman.

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