There are so many things going on tonight on DWTS. The dancefloor has been transformed into a round. The judges are giving out two scores. The Situation is showing off the abs, finally, and Bristol Palin has no pants on. There’s also only acoustic music, which apparently makes learning the dances really hard. Gonna be a crazy night ladies and gents.
And just as a sidenote: there was no recap last week because apparently the Pats were playing on Monday Night Football, and it has to be on every channel in Boston, regardless of what other people want to be watching. Stupid Boston. Ok. We won’t talk about this again.
Kurt Warner, Rumba: It’s Kurt’s anniversary, and he’s dancing the Rumba with a hot red head. I would not be happy about this. But Kurt’s wife seems like a cool chick, and she’s all like “hell yeah, go dance!” I like her. Kurt looks hot in his Rumba outfit. And he does have hip action! For some reason I thought the stage was going to spin. And it doesn’t – thank God. I probably would have vomited. So Kurt did ok. I think he’s gonna get some solid scores. Oh wait, there’s two sets of scores. Solid performance, maybe not solid technical scores.
There’s instant replay tonight! Things are about to get serious.
Brandy, Rumba: This could go either way. Brandy knows how to dance, but the Rumba is super technical too, and so far I feel like she’s just going out there and shakin’ it. And she just admitted she hasn’t been with anyone in 6 years. And I’m pretty sure Maks’ homework for her is to have sex with him. This just got weird. I don’t love this dance, but I think they’re doing a good job. And Maks has his shirt off again. The judges are really picky about the dancers hands tonight. Geeez. And it was a little bit “hot and spicy” for Len’s taste.
Rick Fox, Argentine Tango: This dance is so freakin’ hard. I’m scared for these people. But Cheryl is so good at this dance that Rick should be ok. And there’s lifts. Cheryl, that’s a long way for you to fall, lady! Oh I love dances that start with a chair! And Rick has a weird porn-stache going on. It was no Gilles Marini Argentine Tango. And it looked like Cheryl was doing all the work. But the lifts were really good.
The cameramen are having trouble in the round, but it’s making for some good TV.
Kyle Massey, Rumba: This dance could be hard for Kyle. He’s so young, and this is a super romantic dance. So he’s got to perform it and do all the technical work. He may be too goofy for this. Oh I spoke to soon! I love this! They sped it up a little, so Kyle has a beat to work with. He’s doing so good! Pointing his toes and extending his arms and everything!
Performance: 8,7,7 (the judges are low tonight!)
The Situation, Argentine Tango: This could be a disaster. The Situation looks like he might cry. And Karina’s just like, throw me in the air. Um, bad idea Karina. He’s going to kill you. He did it! She did a 360 in the air. Good job Sitch. And a beautiful second lift! Just gorgeous! But the dancing itself is kind of terrible. Ok, he should get high marks for the lifts alone. They were kind of ridiculous. Bruno: “Michael, you know that was a terrible mess.”
Florence Henderson, Rumba: I don’t know how I feel about old people doing the Rumba. It makes me uncomfortable. But Florence has no fear of being sexy, so she says. So Florence and Corky bring in their kids to say whether or not their dance is appropriate. The kids say no. But it’s funny. Watch your hands Corky! That’s Mrs. Brady you’re groping. There was very little hip action, but I actually thought it was adorable. The judges are holding their faces! Carrie Ann: “I got a little uncomfortable! And I’m not conservative.”
Jennifer Grey, Argentine Tango: I can’t wait for this to dance. I love Derek’s tangos, and I love Jennifer, obviously. I feel like I’m watching the part of Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze is trying to teach her the performance she has to fill in for so Penny can get her abortion. God, I love that movie. Jennifer and Derek look GORGEOUS. And she’s dancing like a pro! Oh my god! Perfection! Her lifts are redonk!! So, so good!!!
Performance: 10,9,10 (first 10s of the season!!!! Of course it would go to Jennifer)
Bristol Palin, Rumba: “I’m a 19-year-old mom. And all I was thinking was how am I gonna pull this off.” For some reason Bristol’s acting like she’s never had sex. Which we all know isn’t true. And Trip just hit Mark in the leg. But seriously, why doesn’t Bristol have pants on? I’m still confused about that. Great time to have your dad in the audience too – awkward. Mark’s shirt is off and he’s got some serious tats. And I’m kind of in love with him. And that little Piper is in the audience, and she’s still just so adorable.
Performance: 4,5,5 (“You look hot…that blows.” Mark’s got some kind of bad boy ‘tude this week.)
Audrina Patridge, Argentine Tango: Audrina is hitting her stride. I think this dance is going to be great. She’s actually pretty smart away from MTV. She’s a diva in this tango, a biatch. I’m excited. Great back bend! I don’t think it was as great as Jennifer’s but it was up there. Lot’s of lifts and bending and swinging, etc.
Technical: 8, 8, 8
Performance: 8, 7, 7