As some of you already know, I’m a creepy T-stalker, which basically means I know just about everything that’s going on in the lives of the people I commute with every morning. They think I’m listening to my iPod. I’m actually taking mental note of how crazy they are. It’s weird, I’m well aware.
Anyway, there’s a pair of T-patrons that are more exciting than the rest, and I like to refer to them as Angry Engaged Couple.
If you can’t tell by the name, Angry Engaged Couple came into my purview by fighting over wedding plans. He basically called her controlling and she basically told him he had a small penis (I’m not making this up). She’s a super horrible person and he’s, what’s the phrase, out-punting his coverage? Her diamond is the size of my face, and they’re seemingly miserable. One time she ripped the Metro out of his hands because he wasn’t paying enough attention to her. This happened right in front of me, and she almost smacked me with the paper. I mean, now I’m involved.
So anyway, Angry Engaged Couple was missing for a few weeks, and I was certain that they were involved in some kind of murdercide. I was thinking either he became so fed up with her that he choked her with that diamond ring, or she became so enraged that he didn’t show for dance lessons that she two-stepped him right out of life. Either way, I was on the verge of putting up missing person posters in Cleveland Circle.
But, to my surprise (!) they were back on the T this Monday, looking well and, what’s that? Actually smiling? I couldn’t believe it! That’s when I took note that they were both wearing wedding bands. What I thought was their downfall was actually their honeymoon! And they were being nice to each other! There was even I little flutter in my heart.
While I know I had nothing to do with this miraculous turnaround, I’d like to think that Angry Engaged Couple came into my life for a reason. I now know that I should never make my fiance take ballroom dancing lessons and I should always let him read the Metro. And one day, we too can be like
Angry Engaged Happily Married Couple (or, you know, better).