So last’s week’s DWTS was all full of gimmicks and acoustic music and Bristol not wearing any clothes. This week? TV theme week! This is great because it’s a combination of my two favorite things: dancing and television. It’s like the producers can see right into my brain. Also, doesn’t everyone think Brooke has chillaxed a little bit? Thank God. She was driving me bonkers for a good while there.
So we’re at the halfway point of the season and things are getting surrrrious. To the dancefloor!
Brandy, Quickstep: Brandy loves the Friends theme song because it’s “everything that describes a friend.” Well put. I think this dance is going to be really good, because Brandy is technical, but can perform. And I just love the Quickstep always. But what characters are they supposed to be? I’m gonna say Monica and Joey. Just a guess. I just realized Maks’ facial hair is gone! Not important. This does not feel like a Quickstep to me. It’s got a Lindy feel to it. And a little too much slapstick. And a lot of running. It was a little weird and…childish? Ugh, Len’s impressed. I’m so off.
Score: 9, 9, 9
Florence Henderson, Tango: Florence gets The Brady Bunch theme song. Shocker. But she’s dressed like Scotch tape. And now Barry Williams is at her practice. And he just kissed her square on the mouth. Florence just likes to make me uncomfortable. Yes! She’s got the Mrs. Brady ski-cap hairdo! My favorite. I like this Tango – it’s cute, but a little goofy. But Florence looks fast and light on her feet. Might be my favorite of her dances. Now I’m agreeing with Len. WTF.
Score: 7, 7, 7
Kurt Warner, Quickstep: Bewitched! Anna’s from Russia and has no idea what’s going on. But she kind of looks like Samantha. This Quickstep is adorable and Kurt is handling it really well. It’s not as fast as Brandy’s, which I think will hurt him. But it’s classic, and I like that better. The audience is cheering loud! Carrie Ann: “The spirit of Gene Kelly.”
Score: 8, 8, 8
Audrina Patridge, Rumba: Come on DWTS, we’re getting a little too predictable tonight. Audrina gets The Hills theme song. Does that mean Tony is Justin Bobby? Actually that would be hilarious. And tip for you Rumba dancers out there – eat onions to be more sexy. Fact. Audrina’s seriously gorgeous. I wish I looked like her. But she needs to stop dancing so controlled. I think that’s going to be a problem for her here. It was good, but it wasn’t great. She just kind of went from move to move. Bruno: “Don’t be plastic, be fantastic.” And Carrie Ann with her phantom lifts. Settle down woman!
Score: 7, 8, 8
Kyle Massey, Foxtrot: So at first I thought Lacy and Kyle got the CBS show Swingers, but it’s actually Charlie’s Angels. Lacy brought in Kym and Chelsie to help him with his technique and he enjoyed it as only a 19-year-old boy can. This Foxtrot is hilarious. Kyle’s porn stache is killing me. It has a Hustle vibe going on, and I hope the judges appreciate it. Bruno says not enough Foxtrot, but Carrie Ann disagrees. And Len HATED it.
Score: 8, 5, 7
Rick Fox, Rumba: I’m not really sure how one does a Rumba to the theme song from Hill Street Blues. Cheryl gets to meet Kobe. This is totally gonna get Rick votes. Now she’s dancing on the court. So embarrassing. Oh I feel like I’m listening to elevator music. But I like Cheryl’s jumpsuit. I want one! This is good and graceful. I like it better than Audrina’s for sure. But seriously, awful music. Good thing no one is playing the theme song from M.A.S.H.. That used to make me cry when I was little. Carrie Ann just left the stratosphere for a moment.
Score: 8, 8, 8
Bristol Palin, Jive: Bristol is wearing a complete gorilla costume to dance to the theme from The Monkees. And now she’s taking clown lessons. I would love to take clown lessons, unless I have to wear the makeup. No way. The gorilla costumes are just scary. And Bristol just messed up big time. What was Mark thinking putting her in that costume? This is a fun dance, but it’s too fast for her. Which is a shame, because there are parts that she can do really well. I’m scared for these scores. Um, the judges are being really, really nice. I thought they were going to go Michael Bolton on her ass.
Score: 6, 6, 6
Jennifer Grey, Foxtrot: So this is the last dance and we need it, because tonight’s been a little blah. I really believe that ABC is trying to recreate scenes from Dirty Dancing. I can’t wait until Derek and Jennifer practice lifts in a lake. Jennifer’s freaking out and Derek’s not really being that mean. And she just came back all happy. She’s a little unstable. The theme from Married…with Children! They should have dressed up like Al and Peg. That would have been great. Boys should wear more cardigans and ties. Derek is seriously the best choreographer on this show. That was adorable. It seemed simple enough, but it was probably very difficult. I think I just saw one of the Teen Moms in the audience.
Score: 8, 8, 9
Next Week: Rock and Roll! I’m so excited!!