I don’t usually rant about something like this, mostly because it’s cliché, but also because I effing LOVE the holidays. However, events of the past few weeks have made me so absolutely enraged that I feel I need to get things off my chest.
First off, I was driving back to Boston Halloween night and I heard a freakin’ Christmas Carol on the radio. Halloween night! Truly this is a sign of the apocalypse. Of course, it was one of those lower FM stations that could probably play Christmas Carols all year round, but no one knows because the station only comes in clearly for approximately 17 seconds. So I let it slide.
Then, I’m on my way to the gym early this week, and freakin’ Borders has all this Christmas (excuse me, holiday) window decoration. It hasn’t even snowed in Boston yet, people.
So last night I’m back in my car, driving to j-o-b numero dos and I hear that Band Aid jingle “Do They Know it’s Christmastime at All?” No, they don’t. Because it’s not. Face smack.
But this morning really, really put me over the edge. I went to grab a coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts (because, you know, I run on it) and my freakin’ cup has all kinds of snowflakes on it and says “Happy Holiddays.” What. The. Eff. On top of that, someone brought Munchkins into work today and they were in a box with spooky Halloween stuff all over it. What kind of sick mind games are you trying to pull DD? I think they’re trying to get us to simultaneously order all of their remaining pumpkin-spiced whatevers along with their peppermint-flavored whatnots. I see your game.
Now I’m all nervous that I’m going to subconsciously boycott Christmas and it will all of a sudden be Dec. 24 and I will have no presents and will have made no sugar cookies shaped like Santa. So, to all of you out there trying to mind-eff me into thinking it’s Christmas: stop trying to make it happen. Right now.