Author Archives: kellyanncarroll

by | January 13, 2011 · 6:45 am

Go, Go, Go Shorty, It’s Your Birthday

Today is my birthday!! Woot woot! But before we get too excited, I have to tell you that I am extremely touch and go with such days. Fortunately, I haven’t had a bday meltdown since the Disaster of 2004:

Me, between sobs: Now I’m never going to be a professional tennis player!
Mom: You’ve never played tennis.
Me: Exactly…I’m never going to be an Olympic gymnast…
Mom: You got kicked out of classes when you were five because they thought you were going to hurt yourself…
Me: I should have been more driven.

With that said, I think I might be due for the next one. And it scares me. So handle with care today. If you make some crack about me being closer to 30 than 20 and I start to cry, don’t take it too seriously. It’s just me being obnoxiously oversensitive to getting older. But really, anyone who says something like that is kind of a jerk.

Here’s to the Big 2-7! Cheers!

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by | January 12, 2011 · 11:02 am

If an Entire City is Closed, is it Ok to Still Be Here?

I went to bed last night at about 12:30 a.m. There was no snow in sight. When I woke up at 6:30 a.m., there was a buttload. And everything and their mother has been closed for the day, including the city of Boston. The entire city. Boston is closed, folks. Go back from whence you came.

So it’s kind of like an “if a tree falls in the forest” kind of question, but if Boston is closed, what am I still doing here? They don’t like it when I try to stay in Chipotle when it’s closed…actually they do like that. Bad example. The point is, it’s a legit snow day, I’m home from work, and as long as this Top Chef marathon continues, it could be a great day.

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by | January 11, 2011 · 9:26 am

For Reals, This Was the Dream I Had Last Night

I have some pretty effed-up dreams. Mostly because they’re so lifelike that it takes me a few minutes after waking up to realize they weren’t real. Like, I could be eating breakfast by the time I realize I’m not actually pregnant with John Krasinki’s baby. And it freaks me out.

So imagine my horror at the doozy I wound up with last night:

So I’m innocently riding the L train in Chicago with Kanye West (obviously) when some dude who looks like Lourdes Ciccone’s father takes a silver wine opener (butterfly style, not the jackknife kind) to Kanye’s ear and threatens his life. There’s no explanation as to what this dude is so upset about, Kanye refuses to relent and the Madonna’s baby-daddy look-alike screws that wine opener right into Kanye’s head, through his brain, and kills him dead. Then, he threatens to kill my entire family if I tell anyone, because apparently out of the 500 people on the L train, I’m the only one that sees this. He gets off at the next stop, as do I, because hey, it’s my stop.

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