Tag Archives: States of Emergency

Proactive Has Moved Another Step Closer to Creating Its Own Race

I have a love/hate relationship with my skin cleanser, the evil monopoly of Proactive. It’s love in that I can use it for like, 18 months and have great skin most of the time. It’s hate in that after 18 months, like clockwork, the shit stops working, I have to go off of it for like, 4 months, deal with my skin reverting back to how it was when I was 15, spend $800 on every kind of Neutrogena facewash CVS carries and then eventually go back to the Proactive, which now magically does the job again. Seriously, this has been going on for 7 years.

One day last year, during an in-between period, I was at Macy’s buying Clinique foaming cleanser (which, if you’re in need of a new face wash, is actually pretty good), and the sales person at the counter asked me what I had been using previously. When I said “Proactive,” she went into a tirade about how Proactive is basically crystal meth and you can never stop using it because once you do your skin will freak out. Proactive doesn’t give you great skin. It makes your skin addicted to it. Your skin looks great on the surface, but it’s actually a ticking time bomb just waiting for you to think you don’t need it anymore. I liken this to the way fashion models look just at the beginning of their cocaine addictions.

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I’m Going to Have to Speak to Someone About This

And here I was thinking that I was only going to be 28 on my next birthday. Apparently I need to flip that number and make it 82!

So I get home last night from a tough, rainy day in the city to find this on the kitchen table, along with my mom laughing because she knew I was going to throw a fit when I found it. I knew working in Manhattan had aged me, but not this much!

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When Thanksgiving Goes Terribly Wrong

I hope everyone had a fantastic, stupendous, momentous Thanksgiving.

This was the first Turnbull Thanksgiving without Nana (bless her heart, thankyoujeeeeesus) in the kitchen. And the best way I can put it is that shit went awry. For your amusement, I’ve included a list below of all crazy from my family’s Thanksgiving festivities. Five of these things did not happen. If you can name all five, you win a prize of some sort.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, Holidays, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related