So I was going to skip the recap this week because quite frankly I’m exhausted and last week’s episode was just so-so. But there are SO. MANY. THINGS. GOING. ON. It’s Rock Week! Which apparently means everyone dresses like K.I.S.S. and Tom doesn’t have to wear a tie. Bristol looks like she’s ready to fight the Civil War. And I smell the Paso Doble. People are hanging from the warehouse-like rafters and there’s a ROCK DANCE MARATHON. Oh. My. God. There are no words.
Audrina Patridge, Paso Doble: I like Audrina, I really do. The girl is a great dancer, she’s sweet and freakin’ gorgeous. But her Paso is making me a little sleepy. She did everything right. But there was little passion. I agree with the judges, there is something missing and she needs to find it, because when she does it’s going to be ridiculous. Also, Bruno is wearing a leather jacket. So rock ‘n roll.
Score: 8, 8, 8
Kyle Massey, Tango: I liked Kyle’s Foxtrot last week. I got it. The judges did not. But Lacey doesn’t give a shiz and she makes me nervous in her obvious rebellion against the judges. I hope she does right by Kyle. And I love you Lacey! Also, I want to rock leg warmers. Some girl at work had them on today. Ok, back to dancing. The stage just lit on fire. Oh this is good – and fast! I think Kyle’s posture is not great, but he’s moving well. And seriously, everything is on fire. The crowd is going crazy!!!
I just realized that Lacey’s skirt is actually a garter. Chick is crazy.
Jennifer Grey, Paso Doble: If Jen Grey’s Argentine Tango was any consolation, this Paso is going to be amazeballs. And she and Derek are back on track, with Jennifer joking about her spinal injury, haha, life is good. Derek has eyeliner on. Dancing to a Pink! song I’m pretty sure was already used a few seasons ago. I hate when DWTS does that. Hm. Not great. Where Audrina’s dance was extremely technical, this was passionate. But it was not perfect. Carrie Ann: “You’re the chosen one, but you’re going down hill.” Ahhh-greed.
Score: 6, 7, 7 (so Len gave Jen and Kyle the same score…odd)
Melanie Griffith in the audience?!? Is DWTS going A-list on us?
Rick Fox, Tango: Rick wants Cheryl to make his brain stop talking to him. Sounds like a difficult task Rick-tastic. Rick just jumped off the stage and it looked like a little step. And his skunk-hawk is freaking me out. Good footwork. Great hold. But I feel like he didn’t really do anything. I guess it was entertaining. I can hear Eliza Dushku screaming.
Score: 8, 8, 8
Martha Stewart’s in the audience too! What’s going on?? And Tom just said the kids from School of Rock are going to be performing tomorrow. AHHHH!! I love those kids!
Bristol Palin, Tango: Bristol’s contribution to this dance is air guitar. Mark doesn’t want it and she is pushing for it. Apparently Bristol lives in the 1980s. Oh shiz, this is starting out good! Bristol! Where is this coming from??? She looks like Violet from Willy Wonka, but I’m kind of in love with this dance. I think she was holding her breath the whole time – but good job girl. Maybe it’s because her mom’s not there?? I’m just sayin’.
Score: 8, 7, 8
Kurt Warner, Paso Doble: Oh my god it’s Brett Michaels. This really is rock ‘n roll week. I don’t understand the rock ‘n roll eyeliner. “Goodbye. I love you. You’re the best in Cleveland.” Hilarious. Wow! Kurt’s a little stiff, but he’s got the moves. And the crazy eyes! And he just threw Anna by the neck. That girl really doesn’t mind being thrown around. This might be my favorite Paso of the night. Carrie Ann doesn’t like it. I’m gonna smack her.
Score: 6, 6, 6 (there is some serious, serious booing going on in the crowd)
Brandy, Tango: Brandy is having a hard week. But that always makes for a good dance. Brandy’s got on some kick ass silver leggings. I think I saw those in Forever 21 recently. I like this dance, but there’s something about Brandy’s dancing I just can’t get behind. For some reason it just doesn’t look complete to me. But she is good. Len’s calling it the “dance of the night,” so good for her! And Carrie Ann had goosebumps. Oh come on, Carrie Ann.
Score: 8, 9, 9
Dance Marathon: Aside from the freestyle dance, the dance marathon might be my most favorite thing. Everyone is on the dancefloor. People get brutal. Anything can happen. Derek is nervous about Jennifer surviving it. I would be too. Four minutes of dancing is nothing. I do that in Zumba all the time. Kurt and Anna are eliminated first. The judges are really down on Kurt. Bristol and Mark are next. It must have been Mark’s worm. I’m saying Lacey and Kyle are gonna win. Rick and Cheryl are dunzo. Derek just backflipped. Ugh. Kyle and Lacey leave next. Ok, Brandy and Maks are my next fave. Audrina and Tony gone now. Jennifer’s letting Derek do all the work. And they are done. That means Brandy and Maks are the winners! I love it! And I like Brandy’s pants.