At the risk of this becoming a blog solely about the crazy-slash-fantastic that goes on in the mecca that is Target, I need to share with you my most recent experience: the Target Halloween costume department. Holy Inappropriateness. I can’t even begin to describe how uncomfortable I was.
First, the adult costumes for 11-year-old girls. Do parents even exist anymore? And what exactly is a Midnight Maven? Why is this child out at midnight anyway? When I was in fifth grade, I was a table for Halloween. A table. My head was a centerpiece. It was the greatest costume ever. My only guess is that this girl is a cross between Elvira and the licorice man from Candy Land, who by day runs an escort service. I’m just sayin’. Also in this section, a “Stitch Witch” (not sure at all what that means), and some kind of British go-go dancer. Come on people.
Ok, so if you turn around, you find the boy costumes, which obviously are not sexual in nature at all, but just lame. Here are our options, scary ‘roid-rage football player or “DJ from the Crypt” (he rocks the beat with his bones…so fly he died…I made these up myself). So many questions.
Then to the left are the creepy baby costumes, which in my opinion are just downright mean. For $15.99 your child can be a Garden Gnome, the ugliest thing on your lawn. Or for 30 bucks, you can dress both your new born and your pet as hot dogs! Fantastic!! I’ve been looking for a way to dress my child and chihuahua as twins!
The only cute costume was the baby as a football, which may be the most adorable thing in the entire world, and if I had a kid, this would be the only thing I would dress him in. But it does lend itself to the baby being picked up and thrown, so I would need to be aware of that.
Less than a week ’til Halloween parents. Do your kid a favor, make them a table, not a Midnight Maven.