As many of you have been anticipating for the past few months (
years, decades, centuries), the world is set to expire on May 21. Which is perfect timing, because my company just announced that’s this is going to be the day summer hours (half-day Fridays) and the summer dress code will kick in. Can I catch a freakin’ break?
So obviously I’m not buying into this bull-oney, but I was thinking about it on my way to work this morning, and I was wondering, if the world were going to end at some point in time, why not now? If we’re just going by recent events (and the things that I consider signs of the apocalypse, like Oprah ending her show, and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver getting divorced), the world is pretty much braced for its demise at any moment now. Osama bin Laden is dead, it’s been raining everywhere for the past 137,000 days, and LeBron James is about to fulfill his Messiah-like prophecy of winning an NBA championship. I ask you, are these not signs???
So you all know I’ve been reading this book, and when it’s not mind-effing me it’s actually making me a little calmer about the thought that the world might actually end at some point. Because apparently the world’s been changing and recreating itself for millennia. And even though the CDC is now releasing zombie preparedness manuals (in jest, in jest), my plan for the next few years (or days I guess, since that’s all we have) is to focus on my bucket list:
1. Run a half-marathon
2. Live in London
3. Write a book
4. Work on a movie/television set
5. Live in NYC
So some of these are going to be a tall order, and most likely I won’t accomplish any of them by Saturday, but maybe estimating the world is going to end in three days is just the thing I need to get my ass in gear. Thank you to overzealous Christians everywhere for making me scared enough about the end of my life that I actually start to do something worthwhile. Your fanaticism has finally accomplished something. Nice work.
So if you really only had three days to live, what would you do? In anticipation of the end of the world, what’s on your bucket list? Carpe Diem! Share below!
One response to “So The World’s Going to End on Saturday”
“Bull-oney” is not an eggcorn I had encountered before.