When GChat Conversations Go Terribly Wrong

Photo courtesy of The Daily Beast

It seems to me that more and more frequently, my well-intentioned gchats with one Audrey Marks veer off into a realm of absurdity that most sane people should really stay away from. Fortunately, we’re neither sane, nor do we think that any of the things listed below are absurd or ridiculous. Just as we believe our future band Oh, Hey Girl, which only performs cover songs of famous cover songs, will be extremely lucrative and one day lead to an E! True Hollywood Story two-part special. (You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.)

Today’s object of conversation, Joe Kennedy III and a meteoric rise to the White House for a new, modern version of Camelot. I cast myself as first lady, obviously. And, go.

me: new crush
joe kennedy III
Kelly Kennedy
Kelly Carroll Kennedy
we’d have ginger babies for sure
Audrey: your kids would be so cute!
me: right???
need to make this happen
Audrey: he looks like someone I know
Sent at 11:21 AM on Friday
me: i love him
makes me want to go back to Massachusetts and vote
Audrey: he was the captain of the lacrosse team
okkkkkk
me: riggggggght
at stanford
NBD
Audrey: love it!
the kids we be cute auburn/ginger athletic types
love
me: and then they’ll become lawyers
and run for office
there will be documentaries about me
and comparisons to Jackie O, natch
Audrey: yes!
I love these things
I can’t wait to help you pick out presidential china
can I be there when you give a tour of the white house on mtv cribs?!??!?!?!
me: Um, of course, you’re going to be chief of staff to the first lady
COS to FLOTUS
Sent at 11:27 AM on Friday
Audrey: LOVE IT!
so excited for this
omg
this is our tv show kel
I’m not joking
it’s like west wing
but us
also, this needs to happen. because this is how I’ll meet jason segel
brilliant
Sent at 11:28 AM on Friday
me: Done and done.
Audrey: this is what I want in life Kel
me: I’m really glad we were able to land on that so quickly
Audrey: me too
Audrey: productive friday
for sure
its one of our better ideas
Audrey: I’d get to be COS
all types of Leo McGarry up in hurrrrrr
me: we should hire allison janney to be our Press Secretary
not as CJ Cregg
but actually Allison Janney
as herselef
Audrey: YES!
and Rebekah has to be Toby
just because she so adamantly opposes the idea
me: oh definitely
and as FLOTUS, I will force her to do only things she adamantly opposes
like tagging herself in facebook photos
Sent at 11:36 AM on Friday
Audrey: YES!
Audrey: oh there is so much good that will happen of this blessed union
me: Camelot II
I’ll also force J Bieb’s to get that god awful tattoo removed
seriously, most hideous thing I’ve ever seen
Audrey: yes
Sent at 11:40 AM on Friday
Audrey: so what will your agenda be
outside of tattoo removals?
Sent at 11:42 AM on Friday
me: to bring back VH1 pop up videos
Audrey: thats already back
me: oh!
look at me!
I’m so efficient
and I can push through legislation