by | August 31, 2010 · 8:09 pm

Scenes from the Green Line

What am I supposed to do with this?

First of all, yes, I worry about all of these things. Probably unnecessarily, but I’m a worrier. Secondly, I don’t like the thought that my only hope is winning the lottery or moving back in with my parents (I already have like 50 jobs). These are terrible options, although I do daydream about winning the lottery and never having to work again. I’m aware this is a long shot. And, third, isn’t Plan B the name of the morning-after pill? Does this company really want to be associated with preventing unwanted pregnancies? Could you imagine if the Plan B morning after pill didn’t work, you got pregnant, lost your job, didn’t win the lottery and had to move back in with your parents. Why would you depend on another Plan B to do it’s job?

This is poor advertising. Why does the T torture me like this?

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by | August 30, 2010 · 8:26 pm

Dancing with the Stars: The Cast is Announced!

Ahhh, I’ve been suffering through Bachelor Pad for you, and my gut feeling was right. It’s terrible! Who the eff names their kid Kovacs? Or Krisily? Or Tenley? There’s a bunch others, but I think I went into a coma. They played this game where they had to pick the girl who was most shallow. And the girl they chose said “I’m not shallow. I don’t even know what shallow means.” Crickets, crickets.

So they just announced the women contestants, and here they are:

Brandy
Jennifer Grey (whhhaaat!? excited about this one)
Margaret Cho
Audrina Patridge (ceiling eyes)
Florence Henderson
Bristol Palin (this pisses me off, but whatever, it’s good tv)

And the men are:

Michael Bolton
The Situation (Michael Bolton and The Situation couldn’t be at the announcement. I just used Michael Bolton and The Situation in the same sentence)
David Hasselhoff
Kurt Warner
Kyle Massey
Rick Fox (who dates Eliza Dushku,who knew)

Do we think Sarah Palin is going to come to the ballroom? Jennifer Grey is 50? Does that make Florence Henderson 100? Ok, I have to go to bed. My mind is reeling.

What do we think peeps?

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by | August 30, 2010 · 2:03 pm

Family Circus Just Got Jersey-fied

The funny people over at Jersey Circus have brought together two cultural icons to form one, outrageously hilarious, (hopefully) future cultural icon.

Pictures from the classic comic strip Family Circus are paired with Jersey Shore quotes to create something I could seriously read all day. This is my new favorite thing ever, and I know I say that like, five times a day, but this could definitely stick for at least 24 hours.

Those Jersey Shore quotes are funny on their own, where Family Circus is usually sweet and endearing. Both, however, always include some kind of life lesson, like go to Church on Sunday, or don’t smush with grenades when your ex-girlfriend is sleeping in the next room. Stuff you need to know.

“We strive to reconcile our guilty delight in Jersey Shore, a bastion of trash, with our eye-rolling fondness for the Family Circus,” reads Jersey Circus’ mission statement. “We do this by juxtaposing the two in a very literal sense. We think you’ll agree that something important is being done here.”

I agree. I really do.

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