Category Archives: Holidays

Don’t Worry Guys, Halloween Happened

Proving that you can’t count an Upper East Side helicopter parent out, Halloween proceeded as scheduled Wednesday night, with some streets in the high 70s blocked off for ardent trick-or-treaters. There were magicians, there were superheroes, and there were some slutty 14-year olds in really high, really sparkly stripper boots. Now, since everyone knows that 14 in UES years is really 27, I don’t think these girls should have been trick-or-treating. They should have been at a bar smoking a cigarette, drinking gin and tonics and talking about how emotionally stunted their boyfriends are. That’s what I did…I mean…what?

I’m happy to report that the brownstones on 77th know how to have a good time. The front stoops were decorated to the hilt, and two classy dames were handing out candy in full costume regalia. One of them was clearly a superhero I never heard of, and the other was wearing silly glasses. Aces.

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Filed under Around Town, Holidays

I Miss Summer a Tiny Bit You Guys

Because I’m so adaptive and flexible, I had absolutely no problem with it being hot as balls this summer…ok, that’s the opposite of the truth. The summer was too effing hot for my taste, and I learned the hard way what a summer in New York City really entails. So you can imagine my excitement when I flipped my calendar page to September and welcomed in some football weather.

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Filed under Around Town, BEST Things Ever, Holidays, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

Now This is What I Call a Valentine’s Day Card

It’s always a good day when you come home to a lovely Valentine’s Day card in your mailbox. It’s also a good day when you find out that someone is willing to shiv anyone who disrespects you. These are the rules of the playground my friends, and they are simple and finite (I also love the Victorian garb; never mess with a bitch in a corset).

So Happy Valentine’s Day to all my beloveds. If you’re reading this, know that you hold a special place in my heart. And remember, love means never having to say you’re sorry for you didn’t shiv someone in the prison yard.

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Filed under BEST Things Ever, Holidays, The Crazy People I Call My Own