Tag Archives: God Is Laughing At Me

The Day of the Drop is Upon Us

“Tell the pilot to drive safely, he has very precious cargo.”

That’s what my mom says to me every time I get on an airplane. Usually though, I’m not trying to jump out of said aircraft.

Tomorrow, my friends, is the day I will finally “jump out of a perfectly good airplane.” This precious cargo is ready for the Big Drop.

A lot of people have asked “why the hell are you doing this?” I have a pretty simple explanation for it. Basically, I got dumped, cried about it for approximately three months (o.k. possibly longer, possibly currently crying), and then decided to throw myself off of something. Fortunately, I wanted a parachute attached to my back.

The timeline breakdown of this ingenious plan goes as follows:

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, It's All Going In The Book, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

Jennifer Aniston and I Clearly Go to the Same Trainer

Jennifer Aniston’s latest installment of Smartwater ads is completely bonkers, and this one in particular (the one where her abs look dangerously similar to my own), stares back at me every time I leave my office. I have not yet decided if this is motivating or just down right mean. Thank you, Smartwater.

Clearly, there are things that I need to know about Jennifer Aniston’s workout routine and diet so that I too can look EXACTLY like that. Just in case Jennifer reads this blog, I’m going to list them below. And, begin:

1. How much Smartwater do you drink a day? Is it only Smartwater, or will the water from the tap in my office (which is no longer contaminated, thank you city of Boston) suffice?

2. Do you eat Chipotle burritos? How often?

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Filed under Around Town, BEST Things Ever, TV FANatic, WORST Things Ever

Moms Give the Best Advice

Just received this lovely e-mail from my mom. Clearly the Kelly in her mind gets into a lot of street fights.

Carroll, J. MS DOC to me

Classification:  UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

How’s work going?  Don’t punch anyone in the face.


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Filed under About Me, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related