Tag Archives: Things That May One Day Kill Me

So I Think My GPS is Trying to Kill Me

He may look innocent, but he's not.

I’m kind of in love with my GPS. When I was working as a reporter on the Isle of Long, driving down backroads to find fires, murders, and government officials getting DUIs, it always got me where I needed to go. But recently, I think it may have turned on me.

It always had its little quirks. Like it takes a really long time to find a signal. And it goes to night vision pretty early in the day. But in the past few months, it’s begun to turn on by itself (without being plugged in) and start talking to me. What’s more, when this happens, the GPS usually begins giving me directions to a place I did not program in, and no matter where I am, that place is always at least 2 hours away. What other conclusion is there? My GPS is definitely trying to kill me.

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Filed under WORST Things Ever

I Think My Parents Have Reached Senior Citizen Status

This could be a very serious warning sign.

You know when people get old and they start to acquire these little quirks, like when my grandparents would pocket-dial us from their cell phone and leave 10 messages that consisted mainly of them talking about Shingles cream and bologna sandwiches? Or like when the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding uses Windex to cure everything?

Well, I guess my parents have finally reached senior citizen status because they’ve found their weird quirk: toothpaste hoarding.

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Filed under The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related, WORST Things Ever

Pumpkins, Wine and Mums: It’s the Fall Experience!

So every year I make the trek out to the North Fork of Long Island on Columbus Day Weekend with every sincerest intention to casually pick pumpkins, buy mums and drink some wine. This is what my mom refers to as the “Fall Experience.” However, the real version of the Fall Experience involves my mom kidnapping whatever friends I’ve invited to join us, driving them to hell and back (which is actually Jamesport to Greenport to Jamesport) in bumper-to-bumper traffic and force-feeding them corn and apple cider. She’s lucky we always seem to have beautiful weather.

This year was no different as we visited Harbes Farms, Raphael Vineyard and the Gabrielsen Greenhouse. Pumpkin count: 47 (of various shapes and sizes). Mum count: oh about 1,000, some of which are still in my car. Wine count: a delicate mixture of whites and reds.

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Filed under Around Town, BEST Things Ever, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related