Tag Archives: Things That May One Day Kill Me

Proactive Has Moved Another Step Closer to Creating Its Own Race

I have a love/hate relationship with my skin cleanser, the evil monopoly of Proactive. It’s love in that I can use it for like, 18 months and have great skin most of the time. It’s hate in that after 18 months, like clockwork, the shit stops working, I have to go off of it for like, 4 months, deal with my skin reverting back to how it was when I was 15, spend $800 on every kind of Neutrogena facewash CVS carries and then eventually go back to the Proactive, which now magically does the job again. Seriously, this has been going on for 7 years.

One day last year, during an in-between period, I was at Macy’s buying Clinique foaming cleanser (which, if you’re in need of a new face wash, is actually pretty good), and the sales person at the counter asked me what I had been using previously. When I said “Proactive,” she went into a tirade about how Proactive is basically crystal meth and you can never stop using it because once you do your skin will freak out. Proactive doesn’t give you great skin. It makes your skin addicted to it. Your skin looks great on the surface, but it’s actually a ticking time bomb just waiting for you to think you don’t need it anymore. I liken this to the way fashion models look just at the beginning of their cocaine addictions.

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When Thanksgiving Goes Terribly Wrong

I hope everyone had a fantastic, stupendous, momentous Thanksgiving.

This was the first Turnbull Thanksgiving without Nana (bless her heart, thankyoujeeeeesus) in the kitchen. And the best way I can put it is that shit went awry. For your amusement, I’ve included a list below of all crazy from my family’s Thanksgiving festivities. Five of these things did not happen. If you can name all five, you win a prize of some sort.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, Holidays, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

Things Could Have Gone Better Today

Today was not a no good, horrible, very bad day, but it definitely could have gone better for a multitude of reasons which are as follows:

1) I woke up to Joe Nolan telling me that all 4, 5, and 6 trains were experiencing significant delays due to a train derailment. Hm. The MTA has successfully cut off the only way I know how to get to work aside from walking and taking a cab. Don’t try to mind eff me MTA!!!

2) I saw a vulture attack a squirrel on my drive to the train station. Like, National Geographic-quality swooping. I think nature may have turned on us.

3) I miraculously found the R train and discovered that it also goes downtown and also has a stop at 28th Street. But, wait…is that blood on the subway titles? Yes. Yes, it is.

4) Leaving work, my elevator car landed on the first floor a little harder than usual, and some robotic voice said “Don’t be alarmed. We are experiencing technical difficulties.” Um, I’m alarmed. I’m sorry. Can’t be helped.

5) I saw my first subway rat. Who’s officially a New Yorker now, bitches??? But seriously. Nature. Turning on us.

6) I had the most crowded subway commute since I moved here (due to ongoing delays on the 4, 5, 6) and no one grabbed my ass. I mean, this is a win, but I couldn’t help but be a little offended.

Oh, Mondays.

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Filed under About Me, Around Town, WORST Things Ever