Monthly Archives: July 2010

But if You Can See Into the Future…

You don't take warnings very well.

…shouldn’t you have known this was coming?

According to the Southampton Press, a Hamptons-based tarot-card reader, who runs her business out of her home in Water Mill, filed a report with the Southampton Town Police last week charging that a “rival tarot-card reader” had harassed and threatened her while at her home.

The woman told police that her rival – who is described as having “dark hair and a gold tooth” (as well as an eyepatch and peg leg, oh no wait, I made that up) – came to her home under the pretense of wanting a tarot-card reading. Once she had entered the home, the rival allegedly told the woman that she doesn’t “take warnings very well,” and threatened to cut out her tongue if the woman didn’t take down her signs and close her business.

According to police reports, there is an ongoing dispute between the woman and her rival tarot-card reader, who she “doesn’t know but often sees at carnivals and festivals around the area.” Apparently the two had a “verbal confrontation” a few weekends ago in Amagansett.

Ok, three things. One, who makes enough money reading tarot cards to live in Water Mill? And where do I sign up for that job? Two, usually when I get in fights with people at the local carnival, I don’t do their tarot-card reading a week later. And three, this woman should just do her own reading and she what card she gets, then she’ll know how this thing is going to play out. Anecdote! In college, my Spanish professor read tarot cards on the Cape during the summer, and a few times we had to do our own readings in Spanish. I always, ALWAYS got the sword/skull of death – la espada de muerta?? So far, that thing’s been pretty spot on.

I don’t know about you guys, but I think these crazy kids are gonna work this out.

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The Greatest Generation

Nana at Sloan-Kettering.

My nana’s been in the hospital a few days because her vitals have been a little off from chemo treatments she’s been receiving. While I’m sure it’s scary and very frustrating, leave it to Nana to give her doctor, as well as the entire Democratic party, a hard time:

Doctor: What day is it?
Nana: July 28, 2010.
Doctor: Do you know where you live?
Nana: Center Moriches, NY.
Doctor: Who is the president?
Nana: I’d rather not say.

When asked if she was feeling better Wednesday, the family report back from the hospital was that she was watching Fox News and getting all riled up. She also may or may not take a look at this and smack me for putting her “in the computer box.” I’m thinking of arranging a date between her and the father from Shit My Dad Says.

I love you, Nana.

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Filed under BEST Things Ever, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

The Sad Thing Is He’s the Most Qualified Candidate

There’s not a lot I can add that would make the above video any better, other than to say this guy hits a home run in his first at bat by announcing his name is…and it only gets better from there.

Follow your dreams Basil! And if you can achieve them high/drunk, more power to you.

Oh, and don’t forget to check out Basil’s website. I think my favorite of his platforms is “See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people.” Verbatim.


Filed under BEST Things Ever, WORST Things Ever

Scenes from the Green Line: A Love Story

Musings from my morning commute on the C Line.

As some of you already know, I’m a creepy T-stalker, which basically means I know just about everything that’s going on in the lives of the people I commute with every morning. They think I’m listening to my iPod. I’m actually taking mental note of how crazy they are. It’s weird, I’m well aware.

Anyway, there’s a pair of T-patrons that are more exciting than the rest, and I like to refer to them as Angry Engaged Couple.

If you can’t tell by the name, Angry Engaged Couple came into my purview by fighting over wedding plans. He basically called her controlling and she basically told him he had a small penis (I’m not making this up). She’s a super horrible person and he’s, what’s the phrase, out-punting his coverage? Her diamond is the size of my face, and they’re seemingly miserable. One time she ripped the Metro out of his hands because he wasn’t paying enough attention to her. This happened right in front of me, and she almost smacked me with the paper. I mean, now I’m involved.

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Filed under Around Town, It's All Going In The Book

Quote of the Day

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe

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This is Making Me Really Mad

Dez Bryant Photo courtesy of Tom Pennington/AP

And I don’t even care about professional athletes that much!

So I’m innocently reading my Sportscenter Rundown this morning on the T, when I come across some nonsensical headline that reads “Bryant won’t carry Williams’ pads.” “WTF is that supposed to mean?” I wondered to myself and clicked on the link to read the article. Come to find out, football players are once again turning something insignificant into a big deal.

According to, NFL rookie Dez Bryant has only been at Dallas Cowboys’ training camp two days, but he already started trouble by refusing to carry teammate Roy Williams’ shoulder pads after Sunday’s practice. By the NFL’s tradition of hazing, rookies are made to carry the equipment of veteran players. It should also be noted that Bryant and Williams are vying for the same spot.

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Filed under Wide World Of Sports, WORST Things Ever

The Glorious Return of Pacey Witter

Joshua Jackson holds Pacey-Con outside of Comic-Con in San Diego. Photo courtesy of ohnotheydidnt

UPDATE: Pacey-Con Explained

Did I take a hot tub time machine back to 1998?

According to my inside sources (and by “inside sources” I mean New York Magazine), Joshua Jackson – who has done well for himself since the end of Dawson’s Creek, namely starring in Fringe and dating Diane Kruger – held a “Pacey-Con” outside of San Diego’s “Comic-Con” over the weekend.

Pacey-Con 2010: Capeside to San Diego, included Dawson-influenced music and Jackson in Pacey-era attire (which I love!). It’s still not entirely clear what the point of all this was (does there need to be a point?), but witnesses say that Jackson “handed out fan fiction he apparently wrote himself and took pictures with adoring female fans.”

Could there be a Dawson’s Creek movie in the works? There could be a Comic-Con twist since Katie Holmes is all up in Scientology’s grill now. If this doesn’t work out, how about Mighty Ducks 4? I just love you so much Joshua Jackson! FREE PACEY!


Filed under BEST Things Ever, TV FANatic

The Turnbull Girls: Stone Cold Foxes

L to R: Holly, Ashley, Fallon, Sam, Amanda, Nana, Me, Debbe, Lindsey and Olivia

Today we had a bridal shower for my cousin Matt’s fiance Debbe (kneeling next to Nana). Look at these lovely ladies! Dayyyuuummm guuuurl! Haha, love my cousins! Congrats to the bride and groom – can’t wait ’til October!

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Filed under About Me, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

The Big Drop: An Instant Turnbull Classic

It’s only been a week since The Big Drop, but it feels like a thousand, million years ago. All the planning, all the scary, panic-ridden anticipation, made for an awesome day, and an instant family memory that I will never, ever forget.

We woke up early last Saturday, handed out some awesome “Big Drop” T-shirts, and headed to the Long Island Skydiving Center in East Moriches, about five minutes from Nana’s, a straight shot on Montauk Highway. When we got there, my mom took one look at the open field and tiny planes and spilled her entire cup of coffee all over my car. This brought back severe anxiety memories of being late for school, mom rushing and coffee flying everywhere. Great way to start off my skydiving adventure, with sheer panic.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, Field Trips, It's All Going In The Book, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

The Latest Chain E-mail From Uncle Ray

Normally I complain about these, but this might be his best one yet.

Subject: Fwd: Friendship thingee

Friendship ~ None of that Sissy Shit

Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of great friendship.

1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue ~I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

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Filed under BEST Things Ever, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related