Monthly Archives: July 2010

But if You Can See Into the Future…

You don't take warnings very well.

…shouldn’t you have known this was coming?

According to the Southampton Press, a Hamptons-based tarot-card reader, who runs her business out of her home in Water Mill, filed a report with the Southampton Town Police last week charging that a “rival tarot-card reader” had harassed and threatened her while at her home.

The woman told police that her rival – who is described as having “dark hair and a gold tooth” (as well as an eyepatch and peg leg, oh no wait, I made that up) – came to her home under the pretense of wanting a tarot-card reading. Once she had entered the home, the rival allegedly told the woman that she doesn’t “take warnings very well,” and threatened to cut out her tongue if the woman didn’t take down her signs and close her business.

According to police reports, there is an ongoing dispute between the woman and her rival tarot-card reader, who she “doesn’t know but often sees at carnivals and festivals around the area.” Apparently the two had a “verbal confrontation” a few weekends ago in Amagansett.

Ok, three things. One, who makes enough money reading tarot cards to live in Water Mill? And where do I sign up for that job? Two, usually when I get in fights with people at the local carnival, I don’t do their tarot-card reading a week later. And three, this woman should just do her own reading and she what card she gets, then she’ll know how this thing is going to play out. Anecdote! In college, my Spanish professor read tarot cards on the Cape during the summer, and a few times we had to do our own readings in Spanish. I always, ALWAYS got the sword/skull of death – la espada de muerta?? So far, that thing’s been pretty spot on.

I don’t know about you guys, but I think these crazy kids are gonna work this out.

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Filed under WORST Things Ever

The Greatest Generation

Nana at Sloan-Kettering.

My nana’s been in the hospital a few days because her vitals have been a little off from chemo treatments she’s been receiving. While I’m sure it’s scary and very frustrating, leave it to Nana to give her doctor, as well as the entire Democratic party, a hard time:

Doctor: What day is it?
Nana: July 28, 2010.
Doctor: Do you know where you live?
Nana: Center Moriches, NY.
Doctor: Who is the president?
Nana: I’d rather not say.

When asked if she was feeling better Wednesday, the family report back from the hospital was that she was watching Fox News and getting all riled up. She also may or may not take a look at this and smack me for putting her “in the computer box.” I’m thinking of arranging a date between her and the father from Shit My Dad Says.

I love you, Nana.

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Filed under BEST Things Ever, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

The Sad Thing Is He’s the Most Qualified Candidate

There’s not a lot I can add that would make the above video any better, other than to say this guy hits a home run in his first at bat by announcing his name is…and it only gets better from there.

Follow your dreams Basil! And if you can achieve them high/drunk, more power to you.

Oh, and don’t forget to check out Basil’s website. I think my favorite of his platforms is “See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people.” Verbatim.


Filed under BEST Things Ever, WORST Things Ever