No matter how old you get, no matter what occasion, there are always lessons to be learned from your family. Below, the Top 10 tips from the past 4th of July. Enjoy!
1. At 13, texting honeys whilst skateboarding is bad news. When you get a little older, it’s texting and driving. Sexting is bad news at any age.
2. My Uncle Ed is “Mediterranean” according to my Aunt Carole, and that’s why he tans. I thought he was from Yonkers, but I guess I was wrong.
3. Priests don’t like it when you skip church. They also do not like when you do yoga on the front lawn of the rectory.
4. Veggie wraps with crumbled blue cheese are a healthy alternative to burgers. They are NOT healthy when you combine them with burgers, s’mores, chips, turkey sandwiches, cereal, chicken, steak, loaves of bread and pasta salad.
5. Zumba is both an exercise and a form of performance art – at midnight, to Chris Brown’s “Forever.”
6. Every morning should start with some clubbing to Taio Cruz’s “Dynamite.”
7. Young-aged cousins are good to have around for so many reasons, one of them being that they play sports and have coaches your age.
8. Avoid the HIV.
9. No matter how many towels your grandmother has acquired over the 83 years of her life, she will not let you use any of them and will put a deadbolt on her linen closet.
10. I am, and always will be, the ultimate Eastern Long Island Corn Toss Champion. But I should not tell the people I’m playing against to “suck it.” FYI, that’s inappropriate.