According to the Daily Mail, Jimi Heselden, owner of the company that makes Segways – those annoying yet fascinating modes of transportation for lazy people who can’t use their own legs – died yesterday after riding his own personal Segway off a cliff.
Heselden was said to have been riding around his British estate when he “plunged into the River Wharf.” For now, police are classifying this incident as purely accidental.
The newspaper also said that the type of Segway Heselden happened to be operating at the time was a “rugged country version.” So you people taking a tour of the Capitol Building in D.C. don’t need to be worried that your Segway will escalate to 5 m.p.h. and take out some Senator. Unless you rig it to happen that way and will then blame it on a faulty contraption. I see right through your evil plan Tea Partiers.