Author Archives: kellyanncarroll

Scandal in College Basketball

So my uncle likes to send out hundreds of e-mails per day to everyone in our family. They usually tend toward the conservative viewpoint, and that’s putting it mildly. Last week I received a JPEG of Barney Frank in a garter belt. I don’t really want to go into it.

So when I received the following e-mail this afternoon, I should have taken more consideration to the sender. Yes, the following is completely made up. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t funny.

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Butler Hoops Team Under Investigation – AP

INDIANAPOLIS–Butler’s run in the NCAA Men’s Basketball National Championship Game may be tarnished after reports surfaced today that all 13 players on the roster are being given good educations in an effort to help them find good jobs after they leave the school. “It’s important to remember that right now these are only allegations — allegations that we are looking into,” said NCAA president James Isch.

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Filed under College Basketball Is My First Love

Day Trip-Trip-Trippin’: Mystic, CT

The historic port at Mystic, CT.

There was little I knew about Mystic, CT before I went there two weeks ago. I knew there was a famous pizza place where Julia Roberts said the f-word a lot and Kit dated a married guy. And I knew that it was on the water. Suffice it to say, neither of those two facts would have made a good tourist brochure.

But now, having been there, I can tell you it’s absolutely beautiful, and a great place to throw yourself back in time. As my mom likes to say whenever she visits a historic place, “I’m pretending.” In Mystic, mom pretended she was wearing lots of gingham and singing shanty tunes in the local schoolhouse. She gets into it.
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Quote of the Day

If there is such a thing as soulmates, mine is either Jon Stewart or Tracy Morgan.

So, it’s no surprise that the last meeting of this pair has created today’s QoD. We all know that Tracy is crazy, which is hilarious, and Jon Stewart (or as he will now be referred to on the streets, “Stew-Beef”) is brainy and witty, which is also hilarious. So what could be funnier than these two men discussing Tobey McGuire, Burger King, and Tito Jackson cologne? Here’s the gem:

“I know I’m A-list because I went to Burger King yesterday and the fat girl behind the register put an extra Whopper with cheese in my bag and two extra apple pies, and then she winked at me. That’s when you know you’re at the top, when you get the extra Whopper with cheese. Two extra apple pies? Two? She could have lost her job [over] those two extra apple pies. Two. Super-sized French fries for no apparent reason. And, an extra-large Dr. Pepper. That’s magnificent. Do you remember…Moses?”

As an added bonus to this insanity, you also get the pleasure of seeing Jon Stewart just lose it. And, in case you haven’t had enough:

Tobey Maguire Owes Tracy Morgan $75

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Filed under Quote Of The Day