It Ain’t No Jive: Your Dancing with the Stars Recap

Can Jennifer and Derek please recreate this?

Note to self, don’t recap DWTS drunk. One of the girls from work is leaving, and we decided it would be best to have two straight days of after-work drinks to celebrate. There’s a good chance tonight’s fast dances – the Quickstep and the Jive – could make me vom. But Brooke Burke actually has clothes on tonight, so we might be ok. Here. We. Go.

Rick Fox, Jive: Dear Rick Fox, when you’re 6’7″, even camouflage clothes can’t hide you. Rick can’t do the Jive because he has an injury. I get that. But he’s going to challenge himself. So he may just hurt himself during performance. Scary! Dramz! But wearing all leather will get you points! He’s not really moving, but his footwork is good. And he definitely has rhythm. He didn’t mess up, but it wasn’t amazing. Carrie Ann thinks he is better suited to ballroom. Agreed lady! Cheryl needs someone to tell her that one of her extensions is sticking up. I love you, Cheryl.

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Your Ironic Twist of Fate For the Day

Photo courtesy of liftlab.com.

According to the Daily Mail, Jimi Heselden, owner of the company that makes Segways – those annoying yet fascinating modes of transportation for lazy people who can’t use their own legs – died yesterday after riding his own personal Segway off a cliff.

Heselden was said to have been riding around his British estate when he “plunged into the River Wharf.” For now, police are classifying this incident as purely accidental.

The newspaper also said that the type of Segway Heselden happened to be operating at the time was a “rugged country version.” So you people taking a tour of the Capitol Building in D.C. don’t need to be worried that your Segway will escalate to 5 m.p.h. and take out some Senator. Unless you rig it to happen that way and will then blame it on a faulty contraption. I see right through your evil plan Tea Partiers.

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If Facebook Existed Years Ago

So I think I’m a little late on this, but I’ve been busy and I just, just got to my emails (thanks Sammie!). I think what this little joke is basically telling us is that, if Facebook did indeed exist years ago, it would have actually been…interesting? My friend Todd eating a chicken sandwich isn’t nearly as life-altering as Adam and Eve creating original sin. Unless you’re Todd, who makes a big deal about everything. @IAmBillyShakespeare: Et tu, Brute?


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Filed under BEST Things Ever, Oh Baby It's a Wild World