by | October 24, 2011 · 8:18 pm

Dancing with the Stars: Broadway Babies!

Ok guys, I’m back! After a week full of sinus infections, cold medicine, tissues and doctor’s appointments, I’m once again my old self, ready and willing to recap for you all the highlights of this most fantastic television show. But one more week of Chaz and I might just throw in the towel. I’m sorry, but he’s just not good.

So since it’s Broadway night, the DWTS opening act is from Sister Act, and I feel compelled to tell you about the time all of my aunts and uncles dressed up like the cast of Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit and performed at a fundraiser for my Catholic elementary school. My dad wore a Charles Barkley jersey and rapped. It was phenomenal. However, very little would be able to top the sequined habits parading around the DWTS set right now. Wow. I wish Woopie was involved somehow. OMG Kristin Chenoweth is going to perform! Ah! I’m so excited. There’s so much voice in that little body.

Come on along I’ll take you to, the lullaby of Broadway…

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by | October 24, 2011 · 7:37 pm

Things Could Have Gone Better Today

Today was not a no good, horrible, very bad day, but it definitely could have gone better for a multitude of reasons which are as follows:

1) I woke up to Joe Nolan telling me that all 4, 5, and 6 trains were experiencing significant delays due to a train derailment. Hm. The MTA has successfully cut off the only way I know how to get to work aside from walking and taking a cab. Don’t try to mind eff me MTA!!!

2) I saw a vulture attack a squirrel on my drive to the train station. Like, National Geographic-quality swooping. I think nature may have turned on us.

3) I miraculously found the R train and discovered that it also goes downtown and also has a stop at 28th Street. But, wait…is that blood on the subway titles? Yes. Yes, it is.

4) Leaving work, my elevator car landed on the first floor a little harder than usual, and some robotic voice said “Don’t be alarmed. We are experiencing technical difficulties.” Um, I’m alarmed. I’m sorry. Can’t be helped.

5) I saw my first subway rat. Who’s officially a New Yorker now, bitches??? But seriously. Nature. Turning on us.

6) I had the most crowded subway commute since I moved here (due to ongoing delays on the 4, 5, 6) and no one grabbed my ass. I mean, this is a win, but I couldn’t help but be a little offended.

Oh, Mondays.

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by | October 21, 2011 · 9:05 am

Voicemail: The Worst Thing in the World

My mentor Rob Delaney recently tweeted that the worst thing you could do to someone is leave them a voicemail. Ok, he’s not my mentor. We’ve never met. But he might be one of the funniest comedians on the planet right now (while also being the most disgusting), and now I want to bask in his awesomeness. I also wholeheartedly share a lot his world views, like his sarcastic anti-marijuana PSAs and his belief that cursing makes everything better. And now we share a mutual hatred of the voicemail, technology’s most fatal cancer.

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