Category Archives: WORST Things Ever

by | September 20, 2011 · 9:51 am

This Whole Big East/ACC Business Has Got Me All Upset

I'm just fed up, Jim.

Approximately 7 wonderful years ago, I was a junior at Boston College. I was working, as most of you know, as a manager for the men’s basketball team, and the school and athletic department had just recently cut a deal to move from their ingrained spot in the Big East to the every-shade-of-blue ACC.

Well, there were some people who didn’t take this news well. And by some people, I mean UConn basketball coach Jim Calhoun. So while BC did their farewell tour of the Big East Conference schools in the winter of 2004-2005, Jim Calhoun continued to spew venom our way. And I’m pretty sure he vowed he would never, ever, play us again. Ever.

Well that’s going to be pretty tough when your campaign to join the ACC ends up being successful, isn’t it Jimmy?

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by | September 14, 2011 · 1:35 pm

Finally, New York City Gets a Little Weird

Poor thing.

It’s been exactly two weeks since I moved to my company’s New York office, and so far I’ve only noticed two things: 1) the Flatiron/Gramercy area is very nice and 2) Westchester commuters are very boring. Not once has anyone broken into an argument a la the Angry Engaged Couple. I haven’t seen one homeless person try to board the train with excrement (their own? I’m not sure) down his leg. And none of the Metro North conductors have just thrown me off the train on a whim.

I was starting to get fairly sick of this consistency.

Oh, until today, when walking a few blocks to get my ritual turkey sandwich became some kind of urban grail quest. I swear to God I almost died. And it goes a little something like this. Hit it.

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by | September 2, 2011 · 9:17 am

Moving Back in with my Parents Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Don't worry about us. We'll just freeze out here.

Way back when, I was a mere 5-years old, and I used to attend something at my elementary school called “Extended Day.” For a few hours after the school day was over, a student could go to Extended Day to play, do homework, and wait for their working parents to pick them up. However, even an extended day wasn’t enough for my parents, who were constantly late getting me. It frustrated everyone, and before you start making excuses for them, sit tight. I’m painting a picture.

So one particular time, the Extended Day lady had decided she was fed up with my parents being late, and, because she had a second job that she had to be at at 5 p.m. (I know, dumb scheduling, lady) she flat left me at the school, locking me into the building with a carpenter who was there installing new windows. And we all know that carpenters in elementary schools are just masks for child molesters and kidnappers, so basically my life was in jeopardy. And when my mom flipped out and got the Extended Day lady fired, I was forever traumatized by the whole experience, meaning I get the sweats anytime it appears I’m going to be late for something. Also, I feel funny around carpenters.

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Filed under About Me, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related, WORST Things Ever

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