In an effort to pressure me into giving her grandchildren (being single doesn’t matter; Jeanie Carroll thinks I can pull a Bristol Palin), my mother kidnapped my 8-year-old cousin last week and officially made him her own. This is a woman who usually calls me if I don’t check in every three hours, but did I hear from her at all? Not once. And when I finally did call her to see if there was room for me out at the beach house this weekend, what was her response? “I don’t know. Brett and I have to go to a seal release on Saturday.” I couldn’t even get her to play one round of Chutes and Ladders with me when I was little.
Tag Archives: Going Green
Remember when you were little, and you would innocently let go of your red helium balloon and watch it fly in the air, up, up and away, and then you’d start to cry when you realized it would never come back and your parents yelled at you for letting a balloon go in the first place because it could choke the birds?
Well, eff the birds because what our parents (and quite frankly the United States government) should have been telling us is that we were wasting inordinate amounts of helium and when we’re adults we’ll no longer have enough to cool the medical equipment being used to keep us all alive. Yeah, that’s right. You didn’t know that your old age was going to be dependent on the stuff you used to suck on to make your voice all squeaky and high? Well don’t you look stupid.
And just for fun, here’s a transcript of the video:
SNOOP: Al Gore.
What it do, nephew?
Savin’ the world, this is big Snoop Dogg.
Holla at me so we can save the world. Let’s put that green thing in motion, let’s make it legal around the whole world, so that can really save the world.
I don’t. I don’t dig. Is Snoop really Al Gore’s uncle?