Tag Archives: States of Emergency

Somewhere in America, Dr. Holden Just Fainted

Despite being a doctor and working through her residency at one of the greatest hospitals in the country, my best friend Sam does indeed have her own version of kryptonite: robots. Sam, stop reading. You’re not going to like this.

According to wired.com, scientists at the Georgia Insitute of Technology have actually taught robots how to deceive people and each other (apparently these guys have never seen iRobot). Through a game of seemingly simple hide-and-seek, researchers Ronald Arkin and Alan Wagner were able to prove that one robot – the “hider” – could leave a false path, sending the “seeker” robot in the wrong direction. The hider was able to fool the seeker 75 percent of the time.

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Louie! I’m Outside with the Truck. Let’s Go!

I know the mafia is dangerous. I know organized crime runs underground in almost all of our cities, and is responsible for crime of all sorts. But the mafia’s latest scandal is probably the greatest scam I have ever heard.

According to The Guardian, mafia clans have been using the ESPN Bottom Line-like ticker of a popular Italian soccer show to relay messages to “godfathers” locked up in the big house. “Imprisoned crime bosses were kept up to date on mob business through mobile phone texts sent to the show, Quelli Che il Calcio, which unwittingly scrolled them across the bottom of the screen, among innocent messages from supporters of Italian football teams,” the newspaper reports.

Officials were notified of the breach through a letter to an inmate that was intercepted. The letter allegedly told one mafioso to watch the show for secret messages. One of the texts reportedly read “Everything is OK – Paolo,” which to me is more of a calming reassurance than it is the directions to Jimmy Hoffa’s body.

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Filed under Oh Baby It's a Wild World, Wide World Of Sports, WORST Things Ever

Things That Could Have Been Brought to My Attention YESTERDAY

Balloon mass genocide.

Remember when you were little, and you would innocently let go of your red helium balloon and watch it fly in the air, up, up and away, and then you’d start to cry when you realized it would never come back and your parents yelled at you for letting a balloon go in the first place because it could choke the birds?

Well, eff the birds because what our parents (and quite frankly the United States government) should have been telling us is that we were wasting inordinate amounts of helium and when we’re adults we’ll no longer have enough to cool the medical equipment being used to keep us all alive. Yeah, that’s right. You didn’t know that your old age was going to be dependent on the stuff you used to suck on to make your voice all squeaky and high? Well don’t you look stupid.

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