Tag Archives: Things That May One Day Kill Me

Photo courtesy of liftlab.com.

According to the Daily Mail, Jimi Heselden, owner of the company that makes Segways – those annoying yet fascinating modes of transportation for lazy people who can’t use their own legs – died yesterday after riding his own personal Segway off a cliff.

Heselden was said to have been riding around his British estate when he “plunged into the River Wharf.” For now, police are classifying this incident as purely accidental.

The newspaper also said that the type of Segway Heselden happened to be operating at the time was a “rugged country version.” So you people taking a tour of the Capitol Building in D.C. don’t need to be worried that your Segway will escalate to 5 m.p.h. and take out some Senator. Unless you rig it to happen that way and will then blame it on a faulty contraption. I see right through your evil plan Tea Partiers.

Remember, birds are evil.

I have been calling it for months now, and I’m standing by my assertion that social media, namely Twitter, will be the downfall of America.

However, the way it plays out in my mind is less Independence Day and more Mean Girls, where some super savvy terrorist plants a horrible rumor about say, Justin Bieber, and before long America is disunited, vulnerable to attack, and Regina George gets hit by a bus (in Latin, regina/regis/rex is king, and King George was a tyrant…I don’t think I’ve ever touched upon this subtlety; nice work Tina Fey).

In all seriousness, Twitter showed it’s hand today, as millions of accounts, including those of senior-ranking White House officials, were left vulnerable to some crazy kind of virus. From what I can see, it was more a headache than anything else, but again, the vulnerabilities it unearthed were pretty heavy. I know I’m a conspiracy theorist, but the White House Press Secretary’s computer shouldn’t be open to this kind of threat. Right?

Anyway, you can read the entire story at Gawker.com. Pretty interesting stuff.