Editor’s Note: Hi, guys! Allow me to introduce my friend Audrey Marks. She’s one of the greatest minds this generation has seen, and an avid fan of ABCFamily’s Pretty Little Liars. She has generated this entire post based on years of research, and, as you can see from the photo below, is basically a member of the cast. Enjoy her reflections and make her feel at home.
Good thing no one was blue. That’s my color.
I got invested in 2011. Right from the beginning I was hooked. I was living in Pittsburgh. I was between jobs. I was looking for something meaningful to fill my time. Naturally I turned to Pretty Little Liars (a show about high school girls who never ask adults for help) to fill the void.
For five seasons and like three years I’ve been devoted to this ABC Family gem (and recruiting people to obsess with me along the way). It’s been a topic on the blog and countless gchats between Kelly Carroll and I. And now, I share my insights with you, dear reader.
So I missed last week’s recap but this is what happened: Jaleel White went all kinds of crazy and the judges handed out the first 10s! It was also “Personal Story Week” and I was a whole mess of tears. Seriously, I cried for two hours. It was terrible. But I got it together. I’m no sissy.
This is “Rock Week” and as we speak KISS is performing. But with all that makeup, I’m not totally sure it’s the original band. Did ABC only shell out for a cover band? Also, all the dancers performing right now just look like mimes. Not rock ‘n roll. In fact, this show has a very weird take on rock, and it’s basically this: one part black leather, three parts eye makeup, five parts no shirts, 11 parts hair extensions. Mix with 80’s classics, heavy on guitar. Shake and pour.
Oh, Lord. What is Brooke wearing? It’s like someone slit open a tire and made it into a halter.
So I had some blood work done today and I’m not feeling wonderful about it so there’s a chance with all the excitement of tonight’s episode I get woozy and pass out. I don’t want anyone to worry. I’ll be ok. It’s just that they didn’t give me any Lorna Doone’s afterward. I should also probably say that while I’m not ready to tell you what the blood work was for, I am not dying, nor am I pregnant. A little mystery never hurt anyone.
So tonight some couples are doing the Jive and others are doing the Quickstep. While there were definite winners last week, there were very few losers. I think Maria Menunous needs to step up her game because she has what it takes, but if she doesn’t she’s going to get overshadowed. There’s Gavin DeGraw’s hat again. Sign. Oh. William Levy’s in a tuxedo. I need a second to take that in. Tristan’s also in a tuxedo! I am definitely going to pass out you guys.