Category Archives: WORST Things Ever

This is So Not How You Become the Pippa Middleton of a Wedding

As has become apparent I’m sure over the past few months, I was/am obsessed with the royal wedding, in particular the rising star of one Pippa Middleton. So much so that, moments after the world’s most famous sibling entered Westminster Abbey, I was proclaiming that I would be the Pippa Middleton of not one, not two, but all of the weddings I have to attend in the next year or so. Meaning, I was going to upstage everyone, be the best dressed, etc. Oh, wishful thinking.

My first attempt came at the Memorial Day nuptials of my cousin RJ. To say I crashed and burned would be an understatement. But instead of being upset or going on the defensive, I’m owning it, and because of that, I’m going to give all of you the definitive guide on what not to do at a wedding, family function, or really anytime you’re in public. This is How Not to be the Pippa Middleton of a Wedding. You’ll thank me later.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, WORST Things Ever

An Open Letter to My Voice, Which Has Gone Missing

Dear My Voice,

It’s been 4 days since you left, and I can safely say that they’ve been the hardest 4 days of my life. I know that I’ve put you through a lot in the past few weeks, but I don’t think that this is any reason to abandon our relationship. I really think we can make this work.

I’m sorry for sleeping with the air conditioner on. I know how you hate that. I’m sorry for that terrible rendition of Janis Joplin’s Me and Bobby Magee on the bus back from RJ’s wedding. It was pitchy at best. I’m sorry for recounting my life story to that random couple at Tavern in the Square Friday night. I was drunk and, I know that’s no excuse, and I fully admit it was wrong. It was right around that time when we were last together. So I’m guessing that was the last straw for you.

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Filed under About Me, WORST Things Ever

Scenes from the Green Line: T-pocolypse 2011

Editor’s Note: This is a post from last week that I never got up on the blog because, well, basically I was too drunk at RJ’s wedding to do so. Here it is now. Enjoy.

So, we all think the Rapture didn’t happen, but recent events have caused me to think otherwise. Like last night, when my iPod mysteriously died. Or this morning, when I woke up and my iHome was blinking midnight, but the power hadn’t gone out. Or even still, when my bberry blinked an error message of some sort and the word FAIL flashed across the screen before it too died. Everything is collapsing around me. It’s like the Midas touch, but the opposite.

So I can’t say I was too surprised by the T-pocolypse after work today. Living in Boston, I’ve taken my chances with the possibility that one day the entire public transportation infrastructure would collapse. And the day of reckoning has finally come.

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Filed under Around Town, WORST Things Ever