Tag Archives: Humor

Quote of the Day

I get this feeling that the Sportscenter Rundown guy might actually be Tyler Neville:

When The Rundown was (technically) on the high school basketball team, messing around at the (very) end of the bench, waiting to get into the (well, any) game, Coach told us three things:
1. Stop messing around at the end of the bench. (In fact, what he actually told us was, “Stop making babies down there,” which didn’t really help his cause too much, honestly.)
2. Make your free throws.
3. Don’t save the ball from going out of bounds underneath your own basket.
But because Missouri is coached by Mike Anderson and not Bob Barker (not that one), maybe they weren’t told these things, because they erased an 18-point halftime lead by Georgetown only to miss three of four free throws in the last 19 seconds, then save the ball underneath their own basket, then watch Chris Wright to drain a three-pointer at the death that sent the game into overtime. Then, in overtime, Jason Clark hit three three-pointers to personally outscore the No. 8 Tigers, and the No. 14 Hoyas left Kansas City with the 111-102 upset win.

He’s so informative.

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Filed under College Basketball Is My First Love, Quote Of The Day

I’ve Seen My Future, And it Looks Like Grey Gardens

We could totally pass for the Bouvier Beales.

My quest to become Little Edie Beale got a little more real Thanksgiving weekend, as my Aunt Carole and I played dress up in some of my nana’s old gowns (pictured right). Aunt Carole looked better in these dresses than I did, but that’s what Zumba will do for you. You go, girl!

So it’s pretty much cemented that I will have an affair with someone in the state department that looks like a Baldwin brother, will lose all my hair, will move in with my mother (or Aunt Carole, who is doing an awesome Big Edie impersonation), and will eventually start to wear awesome headscarves (which clearly is a good look for me). I’ll spend the rest of my time here in Boston perfecting my affected New England accent. And we already have the house in the Hamptons. This plan is done and done.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, Holidays, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

Smurf Mass Murder: This is What Black Friday Does to People

Ok, so it wasn’t Black Friday, because quite frankly, it’s hard for me to be pulled into shopping on a regular day, let alone the most crowded shopping day of the year. But I was at the Palisades Mall a few weeks ago looking for a dress for my cousin’s wedding and came upon this disturbing scene. I guess I could blame Gargamel.

There are many theories we could go by, since clearly the authorities are not investigating this incident as closely as they should be. Again, Gargamel is an easy suspect. But I also feel like this could have been some type of murdercide situation. You can’t see it in the picture above, but the Smurf in the middle has a pencil stuck up his nose. And right in front of the Macy’s Santa mailbox. What a terrible way to go.

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Filed under WORST Things Ever