Tag Archives: The Crazy is Following Me

by | November 30, 2010 · 3:24 pm

Homeland Security Takes to Twitter

Bennie G. Thompson, photo courtesy of The Washington Post

I have this very real fear that the terrorists are going to one day use Twitter to take out Western civilization. I’ve discussed it before. No one really seems to care. And when I use the word terrorist, I don’t even really have a specific group in mind, just the notion that there are people out there who put bombs in Nissan Pathfinders/their underwear and try to blow things up.

So you can imagine how disturbed I was to receive the following e-mail this afternoon:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Homeland Security Committee Now on Twitter

November 30, 2010 (WASHINGTON) – The Committee on Homeland Security, and Chairman Thompson, have started a Twitter Account! Follow us with news updates, press releases, links, etc. @ HomelandSecCom.

Link: http://twitter.com/HomelandSecCom

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by | November 30, 2010 · 9:51 am

I’ve Seen My Future, And it Looks Like Grey Gardens

We could totally pass for the Bouvier Beales.

My quest to become Little Edie Beale got a little more real Thanksgiving weekend, as my Aunt Carole and I played dress up in some of my nana’s old gowns (pictured right). Aunt Carole looked better in these dresses than I did, but that’s what Zumba will do for you. You go, girl!

So it’s pretty much cemented that I will have an affair with someone in the state department that looks like a Baldwin brother, will lose all my hair, will move in with my mother (or Aunt Carole, who is doing an awesome Big Edie impersonation), and will eventually start to wear awesome headscarves (which clearly is a good look for me). I’ll spend the rest of my time here in Boston perfecting my affected New England accent. And we already have the house in the Hamptons. This plan is done and done.

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by | November 27, 2010 · 1:54 pm

Smurf Mass Murder: This is What Black Friday Does to People

Ok, so it wasn’t Black Friday, because quite frankly, it’s hard for me to be pulled into shopping on a regular day, let alone the most crowded shopping day of the year. But I was at the Palisades Mall a few weeks ago looking for a dress for my cousin’s wedding and came upon this disturbing scene. I guess I could blame Gargamel.

There are many theories we could go by, since clearly the authorities are not investigating this incident as closely as they should be. Again, Gargamel is an easy suspect. But I also feel like this could have been some type of murdercide situation. You can’t see it in the picture above, but the Smurf in the middle has a pencil stuck up his nose. And right in front of the Macy’s Santa mailbox. What a terrible way to go.

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