Tag Archives: Things That May One Day Kill Me

Homeland Security Takes to Twitter

Bennie G. Thompson, photo courtesy of The Washington Post

I have this very real fear that the terrorists are going to one day use Twitter to take out Western civilization. I’ve discussed it before. No one really seems to care. And when I use the word terrorist, I don’t even really have a specific group in mind, just the notion that there are people out there who put bombs in Nissan Pathfinders/their underwear and try to blow things up.

So you can imagine how disturbed I was to receive the following e-mail this afternoon:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Homeland Security Committee Now on Twitter

November 30, 2010 (WASHINGTON) – The Committee on Homeland Security, and Chairman Thompson, have started a Twitter Account! Follow us with news updates, press releases, links, etc. @ HomelandSecCom.

Link: http://twitter.com/HomelandSecCom

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Smurf Mass Murder: This is What Black Friday Does to People

Ok, so it wasn’t Black Friday, because quite frankly, it’s hard for me to be pulled into shopping on a regular day, let alone the most crowded shopping day of the year. But I was at the Palisades Mall a few weeks ago looking for a dress for my cousin’s wedding and came upon this disturbing scene. I guess I could blame Gargamel.

There are many theories we could go by, since clearly the authorities are not investigating this incident as closely as they should be. Again, Gargamel is an easy suspect. But I also feel like this could have been some type of murdercide situation. You can’t see it in the picture above, but the Smurf in the middle has a pencil stuck up his nose. And right in front of the Macy’s Santa mailbox. What a terrible way to go.

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I Have These Conversations With Myself on a Daily Basis

This is me every morning at 6:30 a.m. And then at 5 p.m. And then again at 6 p.m. after I’ve convinced myself that yeah, I can work out in my one bedroom apartment.

Wednesday’s are weird…

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