Tag Archives: Things That May One Day Kill Me

Things That Could Have Been Brought to My Attention YESTERDAY

Balloon mass genocide.

Remember when you were little, and you would innocently let go of your red helium balloon and watch it fly in the air, up, up and away, and then you’d start to cry when you realized it would never come back and your parents yelled at you for letting a balloon go in the first place because it could choke the birds?

Well, eff the birds because what our parents (and quite frankly the United States government) should have been telling us is that we were wasting inordinate amounts of helium and when we’re adults we’ll no longer have enough to cool the medical equipment being used to keep us all alive. Yeah, that’s right. You didn’t know that your old age was going to be dependent on the stuff you used to suck on to make your voice all squeaky and high? Well don’t you look stupid.

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Filed under WORST Things Ever

Dad’s Second Annual 60th Birthday Extravaganza: A Camera Phone Diary

A lot went on at Denny Carroll’s Second Annual 60th Birthday Party last week in North Carolina, and a lot of it I can’t discuss. I’d say “what happens in North Carolina stays in North Carolina,” but it’s more like “I can’t remember what happened in North Carolina.” So I guess I have to let the pictures speak for themselves.

P.S. – The one thing I do remember is my kick-ass birdie putt on the 18th hole of the Denny Carroll Second Annual 60th Birthday Golf Outing. Apparently I won a trip to the Bahamas. Second place was a sleeve of used golf balls, so I’m not planning my trip just yet.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, It's All Going In The Book, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

The Big Drop: An Instant Turnbull Classic

It’s only been a week since The Big Drop, but it feels like a thousand, million years ago. All the planning, all the scary, panic-ridden anticipation, made for an awesome day, and an instant family memory that I will never, ever forget.

We woke up early last Saturday, handed out some awesome “Big Drop” T-shirts, and headed to the Long Island Skydiving Center in East Moriches, about five minutes from Nana’s, a straight shot on Montauk Highway. When we got there, my mom took one look at the open field and tiny planes and spilled her entire cup of coffee all over my car. This brought back severe anxiety memories of being late for school, mom rushing and coffee flying everywhere. Great way to start off my skydiving adventure, with sheer panic.

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, Field Trips, It's All Going In The Book, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related