Tag Archives: Things That May One Day Kill Me

The Day of the Drop is Upon Us

“Tell the pilot to drive safely, he has very precious cargo.”

That’s what my mom says to me every time I get on an airplane. Usually though, I’m not trying to jump out of said aircraft.

Tomorrow, my friends, is the day I will finally “jump out of a perfectly good airplane.” This precious cargo is ready for the Big Drop.

A lot of people have asked “why the hell are you doing this?” I have a pretty simple explanation for it. Basically, I got dumped, cried about it for approximately three months (o.k. possibly longer, possibly currently crying), and then decided to throw myself off of something. Fortunately, I wanted a parachute attached to my back.

The timeline breakdown of this ingenious plan goes as follows:

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Filed under About Me, BEST Things Ever, It's All Going In The Book, The Crazy People I Call My Own, The Funny Thing About Family Is That You'll Always Be Related

It’s Hot Out There Today, Kids

This looks like fun! Photo courtesy of Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images

I thought yesterday was hot, but then I walked outside my building this morning and realized I was grossly mistaken. According to weather.com/J.C. Monahan, temperatures in Boston will rise to the high 90s today, but will feel like 104 degrees! Yikes. So much for reading in the Public Garden at lunch. My Irish skin won’t be able to handle it.

In related news, I’ve seen an inordinate amount of people walking along the Brighton streets with no clothes on since I got back into town yesterday. It’s almost as if they got so hot they just couldn’t take it anymore. I would have photographs for proof, but I’ve learned that people really don’t like when you take naked pictures of them without their knowledge. Except of course, the two ragamuffins pictured above.

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Filed under Around Town

If You See a Mortar Shell, Run in the Other Direction

What am I here for? The mortar or the spine? Photo courtesy of the Southampton Press.

It wasn’t more than a year ago that I was coming home every day from work complaining about how crazy Long Island truly is. Ask anyone around that knows me – there are people who no longer speak to me because the complaining was at a maximum. Since then, I often think that maybe I exaggerated certain situations – that the crazy was all in my head. That was, until I read the following tidbit in the Southampton Press:

Two startling discoveries were made at Ponquogue Beach in Hampton Bays on Wednesday morning.

A beachgoer spotted a rusty mortar shell on the sand just east of the concession stand at around 11 a.m. Less than a half hour earlier, someone had discovered a large portion of a spine washed up between the Ponquogue Beach pavilion and Road I, according to police.

Um, excuuuuuse me? Can you repeat that? How can we be so nonchalant about this nonsense??!!

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Filed under Around Town, WORST Things Ever