NoMad Blogger

I'll take "Things I Can't Do" for $200.

As a Passport Card-carrying member of New York Sports Club, I will proudly say that exercise is the most important meal of the day. Switching over from the Boston Sports Club at the beginning of this month, I was excited about the bevy of classes and fitness advantages I would be getting as a member, including the free fitness evaluation I was offered when I signed up. “Do you want an ass-kicker, or someone who’s going to baby you?” the manager asked as he filled out my profile form. “Oh, an ass-kicker,” I responded, so confident, so cool. Kelly, stick to what you know. You are neither of these things. And, as always, be careful what you wish for.

I approached my evaluation with some trepidation. I was nervous that the trainer would ask me to do something really hard and I’d fail miserably, never to work out again for the rest of my life. I don’t know where that was coming from, since I’ve been working out my whole life, but I know I’m not the world’s greatest athlete, and there are things I don’t do as well as others. I blame my parents for having very low muscle mass. I’m not saying they’re not in shape, because they very much are, but all three of us are just really, really white.

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