Category Archives: WORST Things Ever

September 11: Nine Years Later

Nine years ago today I was taking a calculus test in a classroom at James I. O’Neill High School in Highland Falls, NY, about 2 miles from the campus of the United States Military Academy at West Point. My teacher stopped us all to tell us that something terrible had happened, but that he wasn’t going to elaborate and we should finish our tests. Bullshit. You can’t drop news like that and assume everything will go on as planned. I was doing pretty bad in that class though, so I probably wouldn’t have finished the test under normal circumstances anyway.

When the bell rang, I left my classroom only to hear my classmates on the phone with their parents, many of whom worked on West Point, or were officers in the Army. A friend of mine, on the phone with his father, a colonel, handed me the phone, because his dad was with my mom. I still hadn’t been told exactly what happened. “Mom? What’s going on?” And the line went dead. It was at that moment the Pentagon had been hit. The Towers would fall a little while later.

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New Georgia Law Will Catch People With Their Pants Down

Phil Best, mayor of Dublin, GA, has a message for all you saggy-pants wearers: “You are a sex offender.”

Ok, maybe not in so many words, but Best recently passed an amendment to the town’s indecent exposure laws insinuating just that. The mayor explained that the town government has “gotten several complaints from citizens saying the folks with britches down below their buttocks was offensive, and wasn’t there something we could do about it.” Quite frankly, if you’re still using the word “britches,” saggy pants are the least of your problems.

Violators of this new amendment will be charged up to $200 in fines, but will also be put in the same class as people who resort to “masturbation, fornication and urination in public places.”

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Hostage Situation at Discovery Channel’s Maryland Headquarters

CNN.com

So, I have this fear that one day someone from Texas is going to storm into my office and hold me hostage for not rewriting literature so that it doesn’t include curse words. I have very little to worry about because we actually do create Texas versions of our textbooks, but the latest developments of the hostage situation at the Discovery Channel has got me thinking I should create some kind of emergency bunker under my desk.

According to CNN, a man identified as James Lee has taken at least one person hostage at the network’s offices in Silver Spring, MD. He is reportedly armed with a gun, and possibly explosives, but that is unconfirmed. This is all terrible and scary and my heart goes out to the families of those involved. But I’m having a hard time with Mr. Lee’s platform. Apparently this dude is upset about overpopulation.

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