Tag Archives: Humor

Voicemail: The Worst Thing in the World

My mentor Rob Delaney recently tweeted that the worst thing you could do to someone is leave them a voicemail. Ok, he’s not my mentor. We’ve never met. But he might be one of the funniest comedians on the planet right now (while also being the most disgusting), and now I want to bask in his awesomeness. I also wholeheartedly share a lot his world views, like his sarcastic anti-marijuana PSAs and his belief that cursing makes everything better. And now we share a mutual hatred of the voicemail, technology’s most fatal cancer.

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A Little Thing I’d Like to Call “Second-Day Hangover”

The face of Second Day Hangover

We all know that there are very few things in life worse than a hangover. Ok, so that’s not true. I guess there are more than a few worse things, like death, war, the economy, etc. But when you’re hungover you don’t think about these things. Because hungover people are so self-absorbed.

Anyway, lately, after experiencing several days of the expected and warranted full-fledged hangover, I’ve come to find that the day after that does not bring with it the much prayed for relief, but rather a feeling that is less bad, yet oddly similar. And I would like to refer to this feeling as “Second Day Hangover.” It’s a real thing.

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“Everything You Know is Wrong,” and Other Lessons I Learned from my Trainer

I'll take "Things I Can't Do" for $200.

As a Passport Card-carrying member of New York Sports Club, I will proudly say that exercise is the most important meal of the day. Switching over from the Boston Sports Club at the beginning of this month, I was excited about the bevy of classes and fitness advantages I would be getting as a member, including the free fitness evaluation I was offered when I signed up. “Do you want an ass-kicker, or someone who’s going to baby you?” the manager asked as he filled out my profile form. “Oh, an ass-kicker,” I responded, so confident, so cool. Kelly, stick to what you know. You are neither of these things. And, as always, be careful what you wish for.

I approached my evaluation with some trepidation. I was nervous that the trainer would ask me to do something really hard and I’d fail miserably, never to work out again for the rest of my life. I don’t know where that was coming from, since I’ve been working out my whole life, but I know I’m not the world’s greatest athlete, and there are things I don’t do as well as others. I blame my parents for having very low muscle mass. I’m not saying they’re not in shape, because they very much are, but all three of us are just really, really white.

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Filed under About Me, Weight Loss Journey, WORST Things Ever