Tag Archives: News

September 11: Nine Years Later

Nine years ago today I was taking a calculus test in a classroom at James I. O’Neill High School in Highland Falls, NY, about 2 miles from the campus of the United States Military Academy at West Point. My teacher stopped us all to tell us that something terrible had happened, but that he wasn’t going to elaborate and we should finish our tests. Bullshit. You can’t drop news like that and assume everything will go on as planned. I was doing pretty bad in that class though, so I probably wouldn’t have finished the test under normal circumstances anyway.

When the bell rang, I left my classroom only to hear my classmates on the phone with their parents, many of whom worked on West Point, or were officers in the Army. A friend of mine, on the phone with his father, a colonel, handed me the phone, because his dad was with my mom. I still hadn’t been told exactly what happened. “Mom? What’s going on?” And the line went dead. It was at that moment the Pentagon had been hit. The Towers would fall a little while later.

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Filed under About Me, WORST Things Ever

Coach K Shoots Down Russian Attempts to Rewrite Olympic History

Photo courtesy of news.bbc.co.uk

Tomorrow is the 38th anniversary of the day when communists took everything away from Americans in terms of athletic dominance and superiority. That’s right, it’s the anniversary of the ill-fated 1972 USA-USSR Olympic basketball game, where the final seconds were controversially replayed and the outcome was in the Soviet Union’s favor. In my family, we call that a Get-Back Goal, and we stopped letting my cousin Trevor have them when he was five.

Anyway, Coach K, in his position as coach of the USA Basketball team, decided he wasn’t going to let Russia get away with this nonsense, and he rightly called out Russian coach David Blatt after Blatt tried to say that the USSR was the “rightful winner” of those Munich games.

“It’ll be a negative from the way the U.S. looks at it forever, and should be,” said Coach K in an ESPN article today. “And it’ll be in some ways a positive for those who believe in fairy tales.”

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Filed under College Basketball Is My First Love, Wide World Of Sports

New Georgia Law Will Catch People With Their Pants Down

Phil Best, mayor of Dublin, GA, has a message for all you saggy-pants wearers: “You are a sex offender.”

Ok, maybe not in so many words, but Best recently passed an amendment to the town’s indecent exposure laws insinuating just that. The mayor explained that the town government has “gotten several complaints from citizens saying the folks with britches down below their buttocks was offensive, and wasn’t there something we could do about it.” Quite frankly, if you’re still using the word “britches,” saggy pants are the least of your problems.

Violators of this new amendment will be charged up to $200 in fines, but will also be put in the same class as people who resort to “masturbation, fornication and urination in public places.”

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