Tag Archives: Politics

An Anonymous Person’s Very Specific Account of the Florida Primary

So there’s these two guys, we’ll call them Mitt and Newt (I know), and they’re competing against each other to be the Republican nominee for president. I officially tuned all of this out when Newt promised people in Florida that the US was going to have a permanent base on the moon by the end of his second term. That’s right. The moon. Because our problems aren’t bad enough here, we have to spend trillions of dollars finding another place to totally eff up. Occupy the Moon! Ok, I’m done.

Instead of just listening to George Stephanopoulos in the morning, I decided I needed people on the ground in Florida to tell me what was really going on. And by people on the ground, I mean people I know who send me ridiculous text messages and then I steal them for this blog (at this point you all know you’re fair game – if you don’t like it, you should have gotten out months ago). So one brave roving reporter, who shall remain anonymous (I have to keep my minions secret, like Gossip Girl) has dutifully given us the following account of the Republican primary in Florida. Or, something.

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Filed under Around Town, BEST Things Ever, The Crazy People I Call My Own

When GChat Conversations Go Terribly Wrong

Photo courtesy of The Daily Beast

It seems to me that more and more frequently, my well-intentioned gchats with one Audrey Marks veer off into a realm of absurdity that most sane people should really stay away from. Fortunately, we’re neither sane, nor do we think that any of the things listed below are absurd or ridiculous. Just as we believe our future band Oh, Hey Girl, which only performs cover songs of famous cover songs, will be extremely lucrative and one day lead to an E! True Hollywood Story two-part special. (You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.)

Today’s object of conversation, Joe Kennedy III and a meteoric rise to the White House for a new, modern version of Camelot. I cast myself as first lady, obviously. And, go.

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Filed under The Crazy People I Call My Own

20 Reasons I Feared Kim Jong-Il More Than the Taliban: A Love Story

Ok. It's not a love story. I just put that there because it seemed like the title needed a subtitle, and I couldn't think of any. Sorry.

What is that phrase: better the devil you know? Is that it? Over the past few hours I’ve been reading a lot about the former North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il who died today of an apparent heart attack (which seems unbelievable for reasons I will list below), and I’ve come to find that mofo was even crazier than I at first realized. We’ve all read about the “invisible cell phone” he used to coach his country’s recent World Cup team. And we all know he claimed to have invented the hamburger. But according to BuzzFeed’s recent blog post about the man, the crazy goes so, so much deeper than that. And this man had the NUKE CODES, you guys. THE NUKE CODES!

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Filed under WORST Things Ever